If math class were like church

Dear students, I want to share with you how much math has blessed my life.  There was a time when I was lost, my car broke down, and I was miles away from any kind of civilization.  I didn't have a cell phone.  I wasn't sure what I would do or how I would get out of such an awful situation.  But then I remembered something my math teacher taught me when I was in elementary school.  She said that with math, all things are possible.  So, I got out my straight edge and compass and I performed calculation after calculation.  After a while, my car started working again and I found my way back home.

I know that math is true.  I know that Pythagoras was a true mathematician.  I know that Carl Friedrich Gauss died for my mathematical errors.  I know that the sum of the squares of the legs of a right triangle is equal to the square of the hypotenuse.  And this knowledge has brought me such comfort in life.  I am truly blessed to know these things.  I have never been happier.  With these teachings, my life has been enriched and guided.  I would never have the wonderful, loving family that I have if it weren't for math.

There are people who will convince you that math isn't true.  That it's just a fairy tale, or mythology.  Don't believe them.  In fact, stay away from these people.  Don't listen to anything they have to say.  They will rob you of your faith in math.  You must be careful when you decide whom to be friends with.  You should surround yourself with others who will bolster your faith in math.  You should not associate with people who will sow the seeds of doubt about the principles of geometry, arithmetic, and algebra that you have been taught.

People who do not believe in math have been hurt.  Maybe they were offended by something one of their math teachers said in class one day.  Maybe a fellow classmate offended them.  Maybe they simply strayed from the path of math because they wished to make mathematical errors--they befriended math apostates who taught them that life is more fun when you break the rules of math.  They will have their fun, but it will be fleeting.  There will come a time when they realize the errors of their ways, and regret what they have done.  Their temporary happiness will end.  Their so-called friends will desert them.  They will be left alone and unmathematical.  If you know someone in this situation, reach out to them and help guide them back to the path of math.  But it is best if you simply avoid going astray in the first place.

Never forget that you must strengthen your faith in math every day.  You must read from your math textbook daily--even if only for 5 minutes a day.  You must perform calculations.  You must recite your faith in math recitations.  You must sing your math hymns, day and night.  And you should do this together with your family, to help strengthen all of you together.  Math can bring you closer to your families.  It can help solve problems that you encounter in your relationships with your spouses, your children, your parents, and even your friends.

I know that math is good.  I know that math is true.  I know that the Fathers of Mathematics can help you along your way, and will send you guidance in your hour of need.  Turn to them, and let them help you.  Do not shut them out of your lives.  Do these things and you will be happy.  In the sacred name of Archimedes.  Amen.