It's ok to not be ok. It's okay to be sad, upset, angry, depressed, and other emotions that are often considered negative. It is not possible for us to be happy and smiling all the time. That isn't how we are meant to be as biological beings. Sad things happen to us. A very sad thing happened to me a week ago. A person that I loved passed away. Death is not new to me. I have lost many loved ones. Three of my four grandparents have passed away, the first one when I was a young teenager. It hurts. It doesn't get easier and it's not necessarily supposed to. We may develop more healthy coping mechanisms as we get older but that doesn't mean the pain isn't there. It hurts. Ed made me smile, and he's no longer here to do that. We shared so many pleasant memories together and there won't be any more of those. I'll have to make more memories with other people or relive the memories that I have from the time he and I spent together. So
Life is what you make of it.