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Showing posts from June, 2011

Open Question

The purpose of this post is to ask a sincere question.  And I do hope to get sincere answers from people.  Once again, I do welcome any and all answers.  However, if your answer has a negative or affronting connotation, please relay it to me privately so I may preserve a friendly and respectful attitude here on my blog.

I have often, especially since the time I publicly announced my sexual orientation, heard statements to the effect of "I don't agree with homosexuality.", the verbology of which has perplexed me greatly.  What is it that you don't agree with?  Quite often the statement is even more vague, such as "I don't agree with you." or simply "I disagree."  Sometimes it's prefaced with some sort of expression of love, such as "I love you and respect you, but I don't agree with you."  Sometimes people are more specific, such as "I disagree with your choices." or "I disagree with your decision to marry a man…

Defending families

A few days ago I wrote some commentary on an article in this month's Ensign, including a statement that I would likely write another post concerning other parts of the article that I did not address then.  Since then, I have come across an article written by someone else which I would recommend reading.

Of course, I still stand by what I said in that earlier post (On Tolerance).  As much as I disagree with anyone else, I will certainly defend and respect their right to voice it as loudly or in any medium that they choose.  Of course, I certainly also have the right to give my opinion on it.  If I think someone else is being intolerant or hateful, I would expect the same respect from everyone else in allowing me to voice that opinion.  Please have an open mind and consider words of someone with a differing viewpoint.

I quite agree with the point that the author makes--that banning gay marriage is not defending the family, but in fact is attacking the family.  My family is very im…


Knoxville had its PrideFest yesterday.  It was my first time ever attending any sort of Pride event.  I was rather nervous, but I wanted to walk in the parade, so I signed up and showed up at the parade lineup yesterday afternoon.  I ended up joining a group of people from the Church of the Savior.  As I was walking in the parade, I felt a surge of excitement.  It was like I was suddenly part of this really big thing--a community of people all dedicated to equality.  It was far more enjoyable and fulfilling than I had imagined it would be.

There were several churches represented there--the Church of the Savior (who I marched with), the Unitarian Universalist Church, the Community of St Ninian, and the Metropolitan Community Church.  It was good to see all those different denominations welcoming all people to worship with them.  The other thing that touched me about all that was the testimonial that there is such a large population of homosexual people, even just here in Knoxville, tha…

Same-sex marriage and human fulfillment: a rebuttal

I'm a debater.  I like debating.  Ask anyone that knew me at any point of my public education career.  I was on the debate team in high school.  I have made much progress in moving from the immature mindset of arguing with anyone about anything (even when I am made to argue against the position that I personally hold) to the slightly more mature stage of only arguing things that I feel strongly about.  Also, I try not to make it a personal thing anymore, allowing emotions to take a large part of the debate, but to argue the points themselves and use mostly logic rather than sensation to debate.

At any rate, a friend of mine posted this article on Facebook today.  I read it and would like to post my rebuttal here.

First off, the author states that "It is a mistake, however, to think that the same-sex marriage movement is aimed primarily at acquiring the material benefits and legal prerogatives that accompany publicly recognized marriage. The aim, rather, is equality of public…

On Tolerance

My mother recommended that I read this month's issue of The Ensign (one of the LDS Church's monthly magazines) because it had many good articles in it.  So, I started perusing through the magazine (I do have a current subscription).  There was an article entitled "Defending the family in a troubled world" by Elder Bruce D Porter (who is currently in the Quorum of the 70, which is one of the general bodies of leadership in the Church).  I may possibly address some of the other topics he discusses in this article in later posts, but as I was reading it the first thing that stuck out to me was what he said about tolerance.

Quoting the article, "To some the very idea of a strait and narrow path will seem intolerant of those who choose different paths.  By holding up a divine ideal of what a family ought to be, they claim we are guilty of intolerance toward those who choose other paths, other standards, other definitions of right and wrong.  But is this true?"  …

As the angels of God in Heaven

Many people have asked me questions regarding what I believe will happen in the next life concerning my marriage to Karen and my impending marriage to Conrad. Usually, the wording is something to the effects of "Do you think you'll still be married to Karen?" or "Do you think that you'll want to be married to Karen or Conrad?" etc. I have thought a lot about this matter, and the more I have thought about it, the more it reminds me of a story from the Bible.

There were a group of Sadducees who came to Jesus and asked a similar question. They proposed a scenario where a woman marries a man and upon his death, she marries the next brother, until all seven brothers had died and she had married them all. Then they asked whose wife she would be in the resurrection. (Ironically, the Sadducees didn't even believe in the resurrection.) The reply Jesus gave probably took them completely by surprise. He told them that "in the resurrection, they neither…

David Baker, my new hero

I met this man at a MoHo (Mormon Homosexual) party that I went to back in May when I was visiting Utah. He's a few years younger than I am, but much wiser and mature than I in many ways. I was just watching some of his YouTube videos and this one really touched me. The part that really stuck out to me was near the end when he says that if we are ever to overcome the barrier between homosexuality and spirituality there needs to be a lot less hate from the gay community toward religion.

I have associated with so many homosexual people during the last year or so, through the process of finally fully accepting my own sexuality and coming to terms with it, as well as coming out and then becoming engaged. So many of these people I have chatted with have had quite hurtful things to say about religion, particularly the Mormon church. I do not wish to marginalize the pain caused by the Church or by any other organization or misconception that is being taught/spread. Certainly, there…

The wedding

I have made a Facebook event for my wedding with Conrad. Due to sensitive feelings, we will not be inviting anyone to the event pro-actively. All who would like to come are invited, but to avoid offending people or hurting feelings, we will only be mailing out invitations to those who request them. If you would like to come and do not have Facebook, please let one of us know that you plan on coming. If you would like an invitation in the mail (whether you are able to come or not), please give us your mailing address so we can mail one to you. The invitations are not ready yet, so it will take some time before you get it, but hopefully we'll have them out within the next month.

The non-response (clarification)

Last week I wrote the post entitled The non-response, and have since received some messages from cousins. I am always glad to hear from people, but the nature of the email led me to believe that I should clarify what the purpose of that earlier blog post was.

In that post, I stated that I like to get replies from people (in particular, I had emails in mind, but other modes of communication as well). I was speaking specifically of people who have emailed me, I have emailed back, and have since not heard back from them. But, at any rate, I did not mean for that post to be accusatory in any way. I do not have any hard feelings toward anyone about that. I don't mean to call anyone out or express indignation or abandonment at being ignored. The main reason for the post was just to inform people that I would like to hear back from you. That is, if the reason you haven't sent a reply to me is because you're worried that I don't want to read it, you can allay that fea…

Conrad in Tennessee

So, I just spent this last week with my sweetheart again. It was just as amazing as when I went to Dallas last month. It's sad to think that I won't see him again until August, but at least I know that we won't ever live in different cities ever again after that. :D

A while back I wrote about what falling in love was like. I just wanted to give an update on that. I will speak for Conrad as well, whether that's fair of me or not, since I believe he feels the same way. Anyway, I am past the stage of "puppy love"--the mindless euphoria that accompanied having just fallen in love with such a wonderful person. I think now it's more of a mellow and profound feeling, rather than the giddy schoolgirl feeling. I still get butterflies when I think about him and I still get all tingly whenever I cuddle with him, but it's just a little bit more--oh, what's the right word--relaxed? maybe.

Conrad came here this week for my birthday. We both decided t…

You didn't know I am gay

I found this blog post and thought it would be good to share here.

You were the lady in the grocery store parking lot last Thursday.You were just about to your car and you dropped one of your bags of groceries that spilled all over. I ran over to help you pick up all your items. I noticed you had a bumper sticker on your car. It said: Marriage = 1 Man + 1 Woman. After I finished helping you load all of your items into your car, you thanked me and said: Thank you young man, what a kind thing to do. Most people are not so considerate.

You did not know that I am gay.

You were the man in the parking lot of the fast food restaurant by my house on Saturday. Your hood was up, and you were looking around as if you needed help. 2 teenage boys on their bikes were riding around the parking lot making comments about your “cheap car” breaking down. You yelled at them: “shut up fags.”I pulled my car up next to yours and asked if you needed a battery jump.You did, and I obliged. After your car was r…

It isn't fair

Many times when people say that phrase, they are playing victim. While I certainly have had my share of playing-the-victim moments, this is not one of them.  I do not mean to say that something is/was not fair for me, but for other people.

Encouraging a gay man to marry a straight woman (or even a lesbian woman, for that matter) is not fair to the woman.  Again, I need to be careful in discussing this because I do respect people such as Ty Mansfield who, after very much education in the matter and a great deal of soul-searching, have still decided to enter a mixed-orientation marriage (he's gay and his wife is straight).  However, he has been more than fair to his wife because she knew full well that he was gay before they decided to marry, and she even had a greater understanding about homosexuality than most straight people ever do.  She knew that he had not chosen to be gay, that it was not something that he could change, etc, etc.  So, both of them went into the marriage with…

The non-response

Reading this post on a friend's blog the other day got me thinking about the phenomenon of people not replying to messages (email/snail mail/voicemail/text/whatever medium).  He had an old friend write to ask how he was doing and he replied, including all the stuff about him being gay, etc., and never heard back from his friend.  I have had similar things happen to me, especially since coming out.  So, I've been thinking about it--what would cause someone to do something like that, how I should interpret it, and such things.

I have to admit, the whole thing with writing someone and never hearing back from them is not new.  It happened to me regularly long before I ever came out of the closet, so in those cases it had nothing to do with the homosexuality issue.  Sometimes it was just something as harmless as I asked someone how they were doing and they just never responded.  Some messages do not require a response, and I suppose sometimes different people have different interpr…

New web interface

Apparently Google just changed the whole web interface for blogger--editing and designing your blog.  Personally it seems like a downgrade more than an upgrade, but we'll see how things go when I get used to all the changes.

The sanctity of marriage

I need to be really careful in discussing this particular issue. There is a whole class of people I could end up offending, and I truly do not mean to. A year ago, I didn't even know what a mixed-orientation marriage (MOM) was, even though I had been in one. Now I know several people who are in MOMs. In most cases, the man is gay and the woman is straight. Also in most cases, the woman did not know prior to the marriage. There are two cases I am aware of where the husband truly understood his orientation and disclosed it fully to his wife prior to their marriage. As far as I know, those two couples are happily married. Also, many of the couples I know of where the husband did not inform his wife until after marriage are still happily married. Having been in that situation myself, and knowing how dearly I loved my sweet Karen, I must say that I would find divorce a very distasteful option. I do not mean to disrespect those in MOMs who decide to divorce--certainly there is just caus…


I have been asked by several people why I have become so vocal concerning homosexuality. I would like to take the time to answer that very question. There are several reasons. 

First, I have seen so much damage caused by misunderstanding and blatantly false things taught by various people and organizations. I have heard of too many suicide stories of gay people teased and ridiculed by their peers and community to the point where they felt that taking their own life was the best option. No one should ever be made to feel that way. I have witnessed many gay people fall in love with a person of the same sex, experience the wonderment and joy that comes from such love, and then turn away from it with a cold and bitter heart because they are taught that such love is evil. Seeing the consternation and inner turmoil in such a person is almost more than I can bear. I sincerely wish true happiness for all of my Heavenly Father's children and I truly believe that marrying a person that you …