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Reflection

I was listening to Pandora radio today (which I rarely do) and this song came on. I've seen Mulan several times before--in fact it's one of my favorites--but for some reason the meaning of the song hit me real hard this time. I can't relate to the feeling of wanting to be a perfect bride or daughter, for the obvious reason, but I can relate to the rest of the song. When will my reflection show who I am inside? Will I ever reach the point of true authenticity? If I were truly to be myself, would I break my family's heart? I sure hope not. I have a wonderful family, and I know they love me very much.

Disney has so many inspiration messages. I really enjoy many of their movies. Another of my favorites is the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and the reason is because of Quasi Modo's songs One Day Out There and Heaven's Light (particularly the reprise). The first song because so often throughout my life I've felt like I've been on the edge of society watching the happy times that people are having together, wishing I could be part of it. The second song because, like everyone else, I yearn for companionship. I was extremely happy with Karen and I had no complaints at all while she was still alive. And in so many ways, I feel her still with me. But I also relate very much to the feeling Quasi Modo has when he sees Esmerelda and Phoebus kiss, realizing that his dream of companionship has just been killed. As if it were too good to be true.

This does sort of seem to be a common theme throughout Disney movies--feel like the grass is greener on the other side, do something stupid, learn your lesson, and magically everything's better at the end. So, I have learned to enjoy my life as it is, soaking in every moment, feeling all of the good feelings. I am truly happy, and I don't mean to give any other impression. But will I ever feel like I'm really me and that people will love me for that?

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