Skip to main content


I was listening to Pandora radio today (which I rarely do) and this song came on. I've seen Mulan several times before--in fact it's one of my favorites--but for some reason the meaning of the song hit me real hard this time. I can't relate to the feeling of wanting to be a perfect bride or daughter, for the obvious reason, but I can relate to the rest of the song. When will my reflection show who I am inside? Will I ever reach the point of true authenticity? If I were truly to be myself, would I break my family's heart? I sure hope not. I have a wonderful family, and I know they love me very much.

Disney has so many inspiration messages. I really enjoy many of their movies. Another of my favorites is the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and the reason is because of Quasi Modo's songs One Day Out There and Heaven's Light (particularly the reprise). The first song because so often throughout my life I've felt like I've been on the edge of society watching the happy times that people are having together, wishing I could be part of it. The second song because, like everyone else, I yearn for companionship. I was extremely happy with Karen and I had no complaints at all while she was still alive. And in so many ways, I feel her still with me. But I also relate very much to the feeling Quasi Modo has when he sees Esmerelda and Phoebus kiss, realizing that his dream of companionship has just been killed. As if it were too good to be true.

This does sort of seem to be a common theme throughout Disney movies--feel like the grass is greener on the other side, do something stupid, learn your lesson, and magically everything's better at the end. So, I have learned to enjoy my life as it is, soaking in every moment, feeling all of the good feelings. I am truly happy, and I don't mean to give any other impression. But will I ever feel like I'm really me and that people will love me for that?

Popular posts from this blog

What's a gainer?

If you haven't already done so, I would suggest reading my previous post before reading this one.  It's sort of an introduction and gives the motivation.  Also, by way of disclosure, this post is not sexually explicit but it does touch on the topic of sexuality and how that relates to the subject at hand.

So, what is a gainer?  I'll relate, as best I can, the experiences I have gone through myself to help answer the question.  I remember when I was a young boy--perhaps around 6 or 7--I would have various fantasies.  Not sexual fantasies, just daydreaming about hypothetical situations that I thought were interesting or entertaining.  I had many different fantasies.  Sometimes I would fantasize about becoming very muscular, sometimes about becoming very fat.  
These fantasies varied in degree of magnitude and the subject of the fantasy.  Sometimes I myself would change weight--I would become muscular or fat.  Other times, I would do something to make other people fat or musc…

The scientific method vs the religious method

I find it interesting when people cite the fact that science keeps changing as a reason to disbelieve it and to believe instead in the "eternal" doctrines taught by some church or other.  Let's examine why science keeps changing.  Here's the scientific method.

Develop a hypothesis (this means "have a belief").Design an experiment to test the hypothesis.Conduct the experiment.Determine whether the hypothesis is believable based on the results of the experiment. This is why science keeps changing--because people notice flaws in it and correct them.  People once thought the solar system was geocentric, but now know that it's heliocentric.  How did this happen?  By using the scientific method.  Scientists are willing to admit that they're wrong.  They're willing to give up a bad idea when they see evidence that it makes no sense.  Contrast this with the religious method (simplified version). Have a belief.Look for evidence to support that belief.Ignor…


Like many of my posts, this one has been floating around in my mind for a couple months.  I know many people avoid the gym because it is intimidating, so I'd like to share my thoughts about this phenomenon.  First of all, obviously going to the gym isn't the only intimidating thing in life, and many of these thoughts are things that easily translate to any other of these intimidating things.

So I'd like to share some of my personal experiences with gyms.  The first time I recall ever going into a weight room to use it was my first year of college.  I had PE classes all through K-12, but I don't remember ever using the weight room--just group sports, etc.  I recall being intimidated by all the machines.  Some of them I could figure out on my own, but many of them I just stared at and couldn't possibly conceive how it was meant to be used.  Fortunately, I occasionally went with friends and one friend was very familiar with all the equipment so he could help.  So, kn…