My view: Gender issues

 So the fact that transgender people are a controversial topic truly baffles me--the same as gay people being a controversial issue. I have to admit I'm rather confused to see people who not only care about it but seem so vehemently upset by the existence of transgender people it really makes me wonder what is causing all that unnecessary angst.

As I understand it, transgender people (like gay people) seem to feel that they were simply assigned the wrong gender at the time of their birth--that a transgender woman, for example, feels like she is a woman and by mistake of birth or whatever reason was falsely assigned as a male. As a gay man, I don't believe there was anything in my life which caused me to become homosexual at any point (certainly not in my adult life, and nothing I can recall from my childhood). So it is certainly easy for me to believe the same is true for people who identify as a gender other than the one stated on their birth certificate. To me it doesn't matter whether they simply choose to be transgender or there are biological/chemical/hormonal reasons why they are. In any of those cases, clearly they should be allowed to express themselves as they best see fit and they harm no one by seeking any treatment or procedure they wish in order to affirm the gender they identify as.

One thing that is very baffling to me about this matter is that so many people in society feel such deep emotion about strict gender roles. Men are supposed to be strong, women are supposed to clean the house and raise the children, etc. Some men clean, some cook, some women are the breadwinners for their families. Some women bear and raise children, some do not. Some men are loyal husbands and good fathers to their children, others are not. It seems wholly illogical to me to try to fit everyone in the world into two cookie cutter ideals of "male" and "female". If you want to wear the skinny jeans, wear them. If you want to wear the baggy pants, wear them. If you like how you look in a dress, wear it. If you prefer a t-shirt and gym shorts, go for it. Why do we have this strange notion that all clothing must be gender-specific, that men are only allowed to shop from certain sections of the store and women must shop from other sections? 

I do want to clarify that I am aware the issues of gender identity and gender expression are different. I also wish to point out that in my mind they're equally harmless and should clearly be equally permissible in society. A cis man wearing a dress is just as valid as a trans man wearing a tank top and shorts to show off his biceps and thighs. A cis woman wearing a ball cap, jersey, and jeans is just as valid as a trans woman wearing a skirt and blouse. There's no inherent logical reason I can find which would point to the fact that we as a society must insist certain groups of people stick to certain activities which are only suitable for the gender we believe they should be, or only wear clothing that comes from the section of the store that we think they should be shopping in.

To me, it is a simple matter of basic respect. If a person wishes to be treated as a woman then I see no reason to refuse to comply with her wish. I also see no reason why I should demand to see her birth certificate to prove she was assigned as female at birth nor to see her genitalia to prove that she has the ones I believe women should possess. If she says she's a woman and she wishes to be referred to with feminine pronouns, it causes me no grief nor costs me anything to comply with her expressed desire. Why I should feel upset at the existence of such a person is wholly beyond my capability to comprehend.

I see people who complain about trans people engaging in sports--particularly trans women. They claim the person has an unfair advantage because the testosterone levels in her body are higher than what would be expected in the average woman, and perhaps even higher than the average man. I admit my interest in sports is very lacking, so I have very little at stake in this argument. But what makes the most sense to me is to have leagues where people of similar skill are allowed to compete regardless of gender. It's very confusing to me why we have so many systems in place which require only people of one gender to participate in a given thing (we have segregated bathrooms and segregated sports, just to name two things). 

Serena Williams is an amazing tennis player. I could never hope to beat her in a tennis game. If I trained really hard for years, and learned the rules of the sport, I may possibly be able to score a point in a game against her. That's probably the best I could hope for. I feel in no way emasculated by this observation. She's really good at what she does. I would be fairly confident in asserting that there is a significant portion of the male population (most likely a large majority of it) for which the same is true--she would easily beat them in a game of tennis. Why do we insist that women only play against other women and men only play against other men? Why not group athletes by their performance levels?

It would be rather easy to implement. Have a round of tryouts or trial games at the beginning of a season and place athletes into different leagues based on their performance. Some leagues might end up being all male or all female. Some leagues would surely end up being a mix of genders. But it would be objectively known that they belong in the same league and competing against each other would be fair. I can think of no logical reason to oppose such a system.

If it is the case that a cis man is posing as a trans woman in order to be able to easily defeat any opponent in a given sport, to me that says far more about the man's self-confidence than anything else. It is a clear sign that he believes he would not be able to compete with other men and the only way he'll be able to compete is by facing off against women. It is certainly not a logical reason to prohibit people from transitioning. 

I've heard many bizarre arguments in opposition to trans people existing. A sister-in-law of mine said that she was afraid people would, in her words, "use it as a loophole" in order to prey on young girls. The context here was use of bathrooms. I've heard similar arguments from many people. So to be clear, the fear is that a cis man would pretend to be a trans woman in order to enter a women's restroom or a women's locker room and molest or rape girls or young women he finds in there. My very first thought in response to that is, what is to stop him from doing that right now? Most bathrooms do not have security guards at the entrance. It's entirely possible for men to do that right now. Why would allowing trans people to  use the bathroom of their choice change anything in that regard? 

I also want to be clear that arguments of this nature--of cis men posing as trans women to compete against women in sports or to prey on girls and women in restrooms--is not an argument against trans people at all, nor against trans rights. It is an argument against cis men. The fear expressed is that a cis man will do something despicable, untasteful, or criminal. It has absolutely nothing to do with trans people and what rights they should have. I also feel like I need to point out we already have laws against molestation, harassment, and rape. It is entirely illogical to me to deny rights to trans people because rapists exist. It would be equally absurd to deny the right to vote to white people because there are people who try to cheat the system in one way or another.

I met a gentleman at work today. He was wearing a nametag that said "Kendall" on it. As he introduced himself he said "my nametag says Kendall but I go by Morgan". It was not difficult for me to refer to him as the name he specified he prefers. In my experience, this is a regular occurrence in everyone's life. Some people go by their middle name or a nickname from their youth or some other chosen name they've selected. Actors frequently choose a stage name when they enter the profession. Musical performers often choose a stage name when they begin their careers. It is unheard of for someone to insist that the person known for songs such as Born This Way must be called Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta instead of Lady Gaga. Just so with trans people. If they wish to be called Joanne instead of John, why insist on calling them the name they don't wish to be known? Why not simply call them by the name they have chosen? To me there is no difference between trans people choosing a new name and actors or singers or anyone else choosing one. 

Honestly, I just can't get over how terribly confusing it is to me that some people act like they simply cannot continue to live their own lives knowing that there are trans people out in the world. They act as though the very existence of someone not conforming to their ideas of gender is a threat to their existence. They get so passionate about it, too. They sign executive orders which prohibit federal employees from using pronouns in their email signatures or from receiving gender-affirming care. I just don't see why anyone thinks it's a big deal. There are actual problems in the world that deserve to be addressed and people get so hung up on this small thing which has no negative impact on their lives. 

Someone once argued with me that he was terrified for the safety of his daughters because there was a cis man who claimed to be a trans women to be admitted in a women's prison and once there proceeded to rape the female inmates in the prison. My very first thought was, how much prison time do you anticipate your daughters serving during their lives? Of course I see the need to take measures to protect vulnerable people, which includes victims and potential victims of rape. But I do not believe that a crusade against trans people is the correct solution to any of those problems. Once again, this is a concern about cis men, not about trans people of any gender. Maybe we should make changes to have better conditions in our prisons to reduce the rate of assault, or maybe we should completely rethink our criminal justice system (that could be an entire post itself, since it's basically just a way to generate more violent and aggressive citizens). 

To summarize, my view is simply that people deserve to be respected. They deserve to be called by the name they wish to go by, they deserve to be referred to with the pronouns of their choice, and they deserve to be treated the way they wish to be treated. There's no cost for being kind and considerate of other people, including people who are different from you. Just be kind and respectful.