Simply connected

 I believe that one of the major problems afflicting our society is division. I see liberals and conservatives attacking each other vehemently, with no apparent desire to connect with people across the aisle in any way. I see us getting more entrenched in echo chambers, further isolated from people with differing views. I believe that is a bad thing.

My family used to be much closer than it is now. While I was growing up, we'd visit my dad's parents almost every Sunday after dinner. Many of his siblings would be there, so it was a time for the adults to chat and the kids to play. I enjoyed it. As my siblings grew up and started their own families, we'd regularly get together for dinners or parties. Now it seems like we only get together a few times per year, and a lot of times siblings will show up with only parts of their families--perhaps not with their spouse or with their children. It seems like we're all growing further apart. Personally I prefer smaller gatherings to bigger ones because you have more time to talk one-on-one with individual people. So during the last 3 years or so I have reached out to many of my siblings and started spending more time with them. I enjoy feeling closer to them and understanding them better. I think we need to do this in more areas of society.

I have one sister who didn't vote for Trump in 2016 but did in 2020 and 2024. We have spent a lot of time together over the last few years. We'll go on a walk and chat. Sometimes we talk about just everyday things, what's going on in our lives and in our marriages. Sometimes we talk about personal things. Sometimes we talk about politics. I value the space we've created for each other to openly share our political views without judgement. I appreciate her sharing her thoughts with me. I know that she receives hateful messages from liberal people because she is a conservative, and supports Trump. I see the hateful things that liberals say about Trump supporters. In getting to learn more about her views, I can see her concerns and I can see how compassion shapes her own beliefs. I respect her and value our friendship. She is the primary reason I believe that liberals and conservatives can be mutually respectful and friendly toward one another.

Along the lines of seeing liberals say hateful things to conservatives, a very comical thing happened to me the other day. This was just before the most recent No Kings protest, which I attended and took many photos of which I posted to my social media accounts. I saw a post about the protest and out of curiosity started reading the comments. I saw one which was clearly opposed to the protest but was written on a rainbow background. So of course I posted my reply to his comment "I love the Pride background." I admit I am often facetious. So that put me in a silly mood and I started posting similar comments to other people that seemed to be opposed to the notion of the protest. I'm going to share screenshots of one of those that turned into a bit of a thread. The original comment and my reply seen here on the right. The guy says "Just call it what it is: No Trump Protest" to which I reply, sarcastically, "I love that name! Thanks for coming up with it!" with a heart emoji. I know it's impossible to detect sarcasm on the Internet so I am unsurprised it was interpreted literally. 

So anyway, he says "it would make more sense, just use that instead." I feel like my next comment made clear exactly which side I was on, since I knew that it was likely the case my sarcasm would go undetected by some. I reply with "no more trumps! It just feels so good to say." I assumed my position was then clear. It's what happened next that really made me laugh, because the guy who made the original comment checked out of the conversation at this point but someone else decided to join in. He comes in pretty hard with "Another ball-less mouth breather." Now I'm going to be honest, from that message alone it's really quite impossible for me to know if he's a liberal or a conservative. He never made his position clear. He only made clear that he felt the need to insult me. Since my most recent message was to express joy at the thought of no more trumps, it seems perfectly reasonable to expect that he's a conservative mocking me for being liberal. In the past I've let my anger get the best of me and replied to such things in kind. I still do, sometimes, but I think I'm better at controlling my temper and in this case I just replied with more silliness, because at least for me personally it diffuses tension better than replying with anger. So I just offer to send him photographic evidence to refute the claim that I'm ball-less.

Then he posted a message which he later deleted. I suppose in all fairness this message would make it clear that he is a liberal and thinks that I'm a conservative. I'm still unsure why he thought that, but it is clear that it was the impression he had. He implies that I enjoy licking Trump's balls. I type a response, indicating I think it's gross to imagine that and add in some teasing to imply that he's gay because he likes to think about other men's balls so much. However, as I post this reply I get an error because he had deleted his comment in the meantime, so he never saw this message. (It's too bad, I think it was really funny.)

At any rate, at this point I've got a fairly good hint that he's a liberal but I'm just having so much fun with him, and my point now is that he's just a rude hateful person more than whether he leans left or right. He replaces his deleted message with one saying that he thinks the original commenter and I should get married. (It's hard to say if I perceive this as gay bashing. It may just be the case that in the minds of some liberals, the thought of gay marriage is one of the scariest things to a conservative so maybe that's what he's going for?) So of course I reply with "Do you think we'd make a cute couple? I haven't met him and my husband may not approve, but I'm a really open-minded guy!" He says "You're both as stupid as you look so it should be smooth sailing." I mention that he's such a sweet person which, in the context of his barrage of insults, I thought was quite clearly sarcastic. 

It's hard to say if he picked up on the comment, based on his reply, where he asserts "I am sweet and most often right on point." Maybe he was being sarcastic there? All I know is he's clearly wrong on both points because he's clearly anything but sweet and he has been treating me this whole time as if I am a Trump supporter. I think pretty much anyone who knows me would know precisely how I feel about the orange bag of hatred. So of course, I double down on the sarcasm and point out that he's just made snap judgments about me before even realizing which side of the aisle I'm on.

So finally he states his actual beliefs, instead of just hurling insults. He makes it perfectly clear that he supports the protest and that all along he has had the quite incorrect belief that I was there to make fun of it. He calls me intolerant and short-sighted. This is quite laughable coming from someone who just made an assumption about me and started calling me names because of that assumption. He accuses me of having no love for the country--that accusation might be partially true. I know the country's history and I feel no pride in it. Slavery, misogyny, Jim Crow, a long history of the rich and powerful oppressing the vulnerable and minorities. I don't feel proud to be an American--particularly with a racist in the White House.

So I let him know I'm attending the protest, which I did. I also point out that he misjudged me and that he was very rude about it. Clearly he can't face his own mistakes because rather than owning up to what he did, he just called me a poser and said that liberals would be better off without me. I have to admit, while it may hurt my feeling when people misjudge me, I find some weird satisfaction at seeing how they meltdown and react when they're faced with their own folly.

Anyway, the reason I shared this experience here was not (purely) to gain some sense of vindication in doing so, but to show precisely what I'm talking about. The vitriol is shown on both sides. Liberals say horrible things to conservatives. Conservatives say horrible things to liberals. The example I chose to highlight was one where the vitriol was coming from a liberal because I want to come across as fair in pointing out this problem--it's not just conservatives being hateful and I get that. It's all nonsense, and it's all distraction. The ruling class sure is happy when the common folk fight amongst themselves because when we're fighting each other we're not fighting them. They like to stir the pot, to get people angry. It distracts us from the real issue, which is that a handful of really wealthy people and special interest groups are dictating all the policy in the country and what the majority of people want is just ignored.

My perspective is this. We have more in common than we care to admit. And I feel like the only way forward--the only way to achieve real progress--is to acknowledge that common ground and build upon it. In talking to my sister I see that we have a lot in common. We both want employment to go to the most qualified people regardless of what color their skin is or what's hidden under their underwear, etc. We both want to protect liberty and human life. We both want to see fewer people killed or raped or victims of any other violent crime. We do differ in how that plays out--what it looks like to enact policy to those ends. But the fact that we share so many common concerns is evidence enough to me that we might be able to address those concerns in a mutually agreeable way. I want to do what I can to make that happen. I want the country to simmer down, not boil over. I want to see people working together to understand each other and respect the fears and concerns that we have--particularly when we share those concerns.

I don't know what this will look like for me personally. But one thing I know is that doing what I have been doing for the last few years has been very satisfying and I mean to continue it. I want to build any bridges I can. I want open channels of communication. I want mutual respect and understanding. I want to foster relationships in which both parties feel comfortable sharing their thoughts without judgment. I think that's the only way to heal from all the hurt that exists, the only way to unite people and have a better society. I definitely don't want to be part of the problem. I don't want to be that DK guy that just hurls insults at anyone I perceive as thinking differently from me. That's a perfect example of what not to do. I believe in love and compassion, not cruelty and condescension.