A Tale of Two Egos

I would like to discuss a stark contrast that I've just been presented with. On my Facebook news feed, I have seen several posts about Donald Trump's statements on 9/11. To me, I think the most repugnant one is that on the day that it happened, he said that his building was the tallest in NYC before the World Trade Center was built and now that they had fallen it was the tallest again. Set aside whether that statement was true, because in my mind that's irrelevant. Just consider that this man had just witnessed the same tragedy we all witnessed. Thousands of people had just died. And he doesn't give a thought to any of them. His only thought is to brag about how tall his building is.

A student of mine had missed several days of class. As I usually do in such situations, I emailed him to inform him that he is expected to attend class. His response was that he was having difficulty attending class because he was homeless and sometimes it was difficult to find a place to sleep. My first thought on the matter was to try to find a way to help him out. To me, the thought of having a student in my class who didn't have a place to sleep was disturbing--sobering. I asked the department chair and he gave me a name which I passed on to the student. I hope that he'll be able to give some kind of assistance.

These two events are unrelated. These are unrelated thoughts. But they have both occurred to me today, and I couldn't help but think about them in contrast with one another. It made me realize while I feel like I generally understand many people in many of their interactions with me, there are some things I simply cannot fathom and the mindset of Donald Trump is one of those unfathomable things. I cannot imagine being so self-centered that in the immediate wake of a tragedy, I would think to brag about now having the tallest building in the city where the tragedy just happened. I cannot imagine being so callused to the welfare of others that I would spew hateful things about people just because they believe in a different religion, have a different skin color, or were born in a different country. And yet, Trump constantly says hateful things about all of those groups of people.

My student has had a rough semester. I often have students confide in me about the rough things they have had to deal with throughout the semester. Sometimes I am sure these are just stories and the student wants my sympathy so they can be granted lenience. However, I know that many times their stories are true and they really have faced great hardship while trying to perform well in my courses. I feel sympathy for such students. It pains me to hear about their suffering. So here was this student, suffering in silence. He told me, when he came into my office, that he wasn't going to bring the matter up but since I did he replied. So if I hadn't sent the email I wouldn't have ever known. For that reason, I am glad I emailed him. While it hurt me to hear about his situation, I was glad that he had told me. 

Here is where I see the stark contrast--in the egos of these two men. One man with an ego so fragile that he feels the need to call people "losers and haters" in a statement which should have been one of condolence. One man with the determination to face his problems without bothering other people about them. While it may not have been the smartest move for my student to avoid talking to me proactively about his situation, I certainly understand why he would do so. On the other hand, I simply cannot understand what would lead Trump to lie about having seen thousands of Arabs cheering on the day the Twin Towers fell. 

I think to myself what would have happened if Trump had been in my place. He very likely would have ridiculed the student upon hearing that he was homeless. Calling him a loser and pointing out that he didn't deserve to be in college or some other asinine comment. Surely, his response would do nothing to instill confidence in the student that he still had a chance to pass the class. And what would have happened if Trump were in my student's place instead? He would definitely have looked around everywhere to place blame on everyone but himself. He would likely have blamed me for being a bad teacher to explain why he was doing poorly in the class. 

I believe that the simplest way to measure the worth of a person is to examine how they treat other people. And that is why I cannot for the life of me understand why so many people support Trump. He is insulting, he is derisive, he is dismissive, he is arrogant and unking and selfish. In all of his words and his deeds he proves that he only cares about himself or people who are in the position to do something for himself. He doesn't mind being a burden to other people--he does so without second thought and without any remorse. My student didn't wish to bother me with his problems, so he chose not to inform me of them. When I did reach out to him, he apologized for his behavior and came to see me so we could make a plan for him to improve his performance in my course. He showed me that he's willing to take on his own problems and try to overcome them.

I see myself sometimes exhibiting Trump-like traits and it scares me when I make the realization. I like to be right. I like to be the smartest. It feels good. And I know that's what drives Trump. He likes being the biggest, best, brightest, smartest, tallest, etc. He needs to have the biggest building in NYC. He needs to have the "best words" and the "biggest brain". He needs to be superlative in everything. It's hard for me to admit someone else is right. I've done it a few times recently and it feels physically painful. But it's good for me to do. The other day, I said to a friend "you would know better than I would" and the only reason I didn't choke on the words as I was saying them was because I was typing them rather than speaking them. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be the one everyone's afraid of contradicting. In many ways I'm not. I don't mind people being faster runners. I don't mind people being better at swimming or biology or physics. I don't mind people reading faster than I do. I don't mind people being taller or thinner or stronger than I am. In many ways I'm okay with being less than the best. And I hope to make progress in the direction of becoming more humble and less self-centered.