The Extra Version

Being an extrovert can be tiring.  It can be exhausting.  But I think it's a lot of fun.  I have often been unsure whether I'm an introvert or an extrovert.  I thought that I was an introvert because I'm shy and I thought that extroverts were the opposite of shy.  I'm scared to talk to new people.  I'm intimidated by being the first one to speak up.  The thought of walking up to another person that I don't know and saying hi often terrifies me (sometimes I'm more courageous than others).

But I am an extrovert.  Why?  If I have such difficulty talking to people, how can I be an extrovert?  Because of how I feel.  When I meet someone for the first time, I feel a strong desire to befriend them.  I want them to like me.  I want to spend time with them.  I want to do fun things together.  I don't feel like "friend" is a title that needs to be earned over time.  To me, I feel a desire to be friends with people I newly meet.  (I admit, it's not all people.  There are some people I meet that I really don't want to befriend.  But it's the exception, not the rule.)

When I'm not talking to someone, I want to be.  When I'm sitting at home and no one is texting me, I start looking through my friends and seeing whom I can talk to.  I reach out and try to meet new people.  When I'm not in-person, I don't have any fear or intimidation reaching out and talking to someone new.  I can send a message and strike up a chat, or chat with someone who messages me.  I don't have any problems when it's over-the-internet talking.  When I'm not there in person, I have no inhibitions.  I want to chat with people, make new friends, meet new people.  It's fun.  It makes me happy.  It makes me happy to see other people happy.  It makes me happy to see other people like me.

There are times when I feel overwhelmed.  Times when I feel like everyone is texting me and trying to spend time with me. I feel stretched thin, pulled in many different directions.  If I could, I would be in several different locations at the same time doing different things with different people.  I want to spend time with all of the friends I chat with, but I simply can't.  And even when I literally have the time, sometimes it's just too much.  Sometimes I feel like I don't have any time to myself--time to just lie down and relax and play some games or watch some movies.  I do need time to unwind, even though I love spending time with other people.

I am very much a people pleaser.  I want to make other people happy.  So when I have to say "no" to someone, I feel terrible.  I make several self-sacrifices so that I can avoid ever saying no.  I