Skip to main content

Boundaries

I think I'm a very amicable person and I like having fun with friends.  I'll sometimes do things that I don't personally enjoy just because I'm with friends who enjoy it.  For example, when I went to gay pride for the first time back in 2011, I met some friends there and they wanted to go to the bar for the after party.  I didn't want to go, but I wanted to be with them, so I went.  I think that it's important to have some degree of acquiescence when socializing with others.  If you're overly rigid with the types of activities that you will or won't do, it may be hard to find friends to hang out with.

But, I've come to realize that sometimes I am too acquiescent and do things that I simply don't enjoy, or that even feel completely disingenuous to me, just because I want to spend time with certain people who enjoy doing those things.

So, now I'll stop being vague and get to what I'm talking about.  Last night I went to two different clubs with some friends.  The first club was a small one, with country dancing.  They do line dances, waltzes, and two-step, probably among other things as well.  While we were there, one gentleman (who I found out is an instructor for the dance lessons they do regularly at the club) came up and asked me to dance.  I admitted I hadn't learned the two-step, but I was familiar with a little bit of dance theory.  He taught me the step and then we danced a couple times.  It was fun.

They taught a line dance while I was there, so I got on the floor and learned it too.  I was just feeling like I got the hang of the dance when they turned on the music and did it.  The tempo was much too fast for me to keep up.  I found myself getting winded rather easily, but also unable to remember all of the steps when performing at that speed.  From that experience, and from watching all of the couples dance while I was at the side of the dance floor, I remembered just how much I love dancing.

A waltz came on, and I felt an insatiable need to dance to it.  The feeling of form and elegance, of beauty and wonder that the waltz elicits in me was overwhelming.  I wished that Conrad was there with me, so that I could share the moment with him.  I wished that he knew the dance, so that he could dance with me in beauty and grace.  I realized that I want to be physically fit.  I want to be active enough that I can dance without being winded.  I felt alive and happy.  I felt in love.

We went to the second club.  This is more typical of what one might picture a night club being.  The interior was dimly lit, with flashy lights bouncing all over the dance floor and loud music playing.  The dancing here consists of people randomly moving their bodies in strange ways to the monotonous beat of the music.  As I sat there and watched (although, admittedly, there were very few people on the dance floor), I realized just how much distaste I have for that kind of dancing.  I have danced that way many times when going clubbing with them over the past 2 years.  I thought it would be worth a try.  And I can't say I never had fun, but seeing the contrast tonight between ballroom dance and club dance, I know which one I prefer.

The entire time we were at the second club, I was pensive.  I was philosophical.  I observed people and tried to psychoanalyze them.  I attempted to extrapolate their feelings from their behavior.  I wondered about what motivated them to do what they were doing.  I noticed people trying to fit in, trying to get validation and recognition from other people.  I wanted so badly to just grab someone and ask them deep, probing questions.  "Why are you here?  What do you enjoy about this club?  Why are you wearing that?  How are you feeling?  How does being here make you feel?  Why do you come?  What enjoyable experiences have you had here?  What do you hope to get out of this environment?"  Not judging, just attempting to understand more fully.  I was purely fascinated, as I always have been every time I've gone to one of those types of clubs.

So, boundaries.  I think I'm going to have boundaries.  It's good to do things because the group is doing them, or because other people want to.  But it's also good to know what you are and are not willing to do.  You should not do just anything that your friends want.  You should have limits.  So I want to set some.  I don't want to go to the wild kind of night club anymore.  Maybe once in a long while, but not on a regular basis.  I much prefer going to the ballroom dance club, so I'll go there.  But I won't be going to the other ones anymore.  It's just not for me.

Popular posts from this blog

What's a gainer?

If you haven't already done so, I would suggest reading my previous post before reading this one.  It's sort of an introduction and gives the motivation.  Also, by way of disclosure, this post is not sexually explicit but it does touch on the topic of sexuality and how that relates to the subject at hand.

So, what is a gainer?  I'll relate, as best I can, the experiences I have gone through myself to help answer the question.  I remember when I was a young boy--perhaps around 6 or 7--I would have various fantasies.  Not sexual fantasies, just daydreaming about hypothetical situations that I thought were interesting or entertaining.  I had many different fantasies.  Sometimes I would fantasize about becoming very muscular, sometimes about becoming very fat.  
These fantasies varied in degree of magnitude and the subject of the fantasy.  Sometimes I myself would change weight--I would become muscular or fat.  Other times, I would do something to make other people fat or musc…

The scientific method vs the religious method

I find it interesting when people cite the fact that science keeps changing as a reason to disbelieve it and to believe instead in the "eternal" doctrines taught by some church or other.  Let's examine why science keeps changing.  Here's the scientific method.

Develop a hypothesis (this means "have a belief").Design an experiment to test the hypothesis.Conduct the experiment.Determine whether the hypothesis is believable based on the results of the experiment. This is why science keeps changing--because people notice flaws in it and correct them.  People once thought the solar system was geocentric, but now know that it's heliocentric.  How did this happen?  By using the scientific method.  Scientists are willing to admit that they're wrong.  They're willing to give up a bad idea when they see evidence that it makes no sense.  Contrast this with the religious method (simplified version). Have a belief.Look for evidence to support that belief.Ignor…

Gymtimidation

Like many of my posts, this one has been floating around in my mind for a couple months.  I know many people avoid the gym because it is intimidating, so I'd like to share my thoughts about this phenomenon.  First of all, obviously going to the gym isn't the only intimidating thing in life, and many of these thoughts are things that easily translate to any other of these intimidating things.

So I'd like to share some of my personal experiences with gyms.  The first time I recall ever going into a weight room to use it was my first year of college.  I had PE classes all through K-12, but I don't remember ever using the weight room--just group sports, etc.  I recall being intimidated by all the machines.  Some of them I could figure out on my own, but many of them I just stared at and couldn't possibly conceive how it was meant to be used.  Fortunately, I occasionally went with friends and one friend was very familiar with all the equipment so he could help.  So, kn…