I haven't reached any solid conclusion yet. I have considered the feedback that has been given. To the person who wrote the anonymous comment on my previous post, I would like to continue the discussion anytime that you're available to do so. I do allow anonymous comments because I would rather hear from someone who has something they'd like to say but doesn't want people (even me) to know who's saying it. However, I would prefer that you identify yourself if I do know you personally because I often do want to converse about your comments--either here or in private. I'm asking for feedback again--any thoughts anyone might have concerning what I said in my last post or here.
Anyhow, the main purpose of this blog has always been for me to share my musings with other people and I mean to keep that as my main purpose. I don't mean to have a scientific blog where I post only things which are solid fact. Yes, I do mean to refrain from posting false things--anything that is demonstrably false. But, I don't mean to be scientific in my ramblings. I mean only to share things I've been thinking about and things that are important to me. And that's what I will do.
Leaving the Mormon church has been a significant event in my life, and processing all of the emotion connected with it has driven many of the posts I have made. There may well be more posts of that nature on here. I can't rule that out. I am noticing--more and more--that it is silly of me to expect anyone to be objective about their own beliefs. As one of my former ward members put it, a Mormon can be no more objective about his faith than a mother can be about her child.
I said that I want to convince Mormons that their religion is false. And this is true. I do want that. And there are many reasons I want it. In fact, even more than that, I want to convince all religious people that their religious beliefs are false and even childish. However, trying to do so doesn't have that effect. Every time I have tried to deconvert a person, it has only had the effect of causing hurt feelings between us. There is little that would make me happier than to see the entirety of my family leave the LDS church. But I think that for that to happen, I need to stop what I am doing. As I said in my last post, this only makes them hold on more tightly to their faith and believe more firmly in their church leaders who say that all ex-Mormons are bitter and do nothing aside from attack the church.
On one of the atheist forums that I participate in, one person said "I don't talk about religion because I don't want to give it any more air time than it already gets." I can't say that I'll immediately adopt this principle, but it does seem wise to me, and perhaps I'll decrease the amount of discussion about religion that I put on here. I mean, how ridiculous would it be if I were to spend one out of every two or three posts refuting the existence of Santa Claus. People would start to wonder about me. So perhaps I'll post less and lessa bout religion. I don't know. I don't want to say anything final because I want to be able to just post whatever's on my mind at the moment, which is most often what I do.
I have decided that I want to shift my focus more toward helping people. I want to be a beacon of hope for gay people who feel undervalued or depressed. I want to reach out to people who are suffering from bullies or just from the hardships that life throws at us all.
The other day I had been arguing with my sister and it started to get a little bit personal, so I suggested a timeout. I was immediately glad that I did because it turned out that she was extremely frustrated because she was having to deal with an uncooperative customer service department. I just think that if I had continued to argue with her, it could easily have become a really heated fight and we would have both ended up feeling negative feelings toward each other for some time (perhaps days, perhaps weeks, not forever--we're both the forgiving type). She still would have been having her frustrations with the store, but on top of that she'd also have a fight with her brother. It felt much better to stop the fight and to hear about her other frustrations because then I had the opportunity to talk to her about that. I'd like to think that I brightened her day, even if just a little bit at that point in time.
This is why I think it would be best for me to change my focus. Not really to change my focus, because I've always had a strong desire to help other people, and it is often (not always, and maybe not even a majority of the time--I couldn't say for sure) my motivating force for what I do. But rather, I should say that I think I need to change my approach. I try to deconvert religious people because I feel that this will help them out. But they may not feel the same way about it, and it may actually make things more unpleasant for them. So, I think that I need to start doing things differently.
If I had a remote control with buttons labeled with emotions or moods and I could point it at a person and change their mood as one might change the channel on a TV, I would push the "happy" button, I would push the "laugh", "excited", "smile", and "funny" buttons. No, life isn't always smiles and happiness, and no I don't think it's healthy to pretend that it is. But, if someone were in need of being cheered up, I would feel privileged to be the person to do it. I would be happy to know that I made someone smile because of something I said or did. I don't always know how to do this. Sometimes when I'm trying to be funny or cheer someone up, I just make matters worse. But, if I could choose between comforting someone and agitating someone, I would choose comforting them. (My grandpa always says that agitators belong in a washing machine.)
I have a friend and fellow blogger who seems like a great guy (I haven't met him in person, but I'm sure I'd enjoy being around him). He's openly gay and actively Mormon. I believe he has a column similar to Dear Abby, I think he goes by "Bearhug". People write in and discuss maybe a problem or concern that they have, maybe just ask for some advice, and Mitch writes back. I think it'd be really cool to be that kind of person. I mean, I don't know. I can't say for sure that I'd enjoy doing that on a regular basis, but the concept itself is very flattering--to think that I'm the kind of person that people would look up to enough to write and ask for advice. I certainly do welcome any questions or comments any of my readers might have, and I even made one blog post in response to a request that I had from a reader. If you do have any requests, I'd be happy to hear them.
Anyway, as I said before, I had a few ideas for posts based on conference talks that I listened to last weekend, but now I'm not so sure that publishing them is the best idea. I may hold off for a while. Maybe I'll post them, maybe I won't. I don't know. We'll see.
Anyhow, the main purpose of this blog has always been for me to share my musings with other people and I mean to keep that as my main purpose. I don't mean to have a scientific blog where I post only things which are solid fact. Yes, I do mean to refrain from posting false things--anything that is demonstrably false. But, I don't mean to be scientific in my ramblings. I mean only to share things I've been thinking about and things that are important to me. And that's what I will do.
Leaving the Mormon church has been a significant event in my life, and processing all of the emotion connected with it has driven many of the posts I have made. There may well be more posts of that nature on here. I can't rule that out. I am noticing--more and more--that it is silly of me to expect anyone to be objective about their own beliefs. As one of my former ward members put it, a Mormon can be no more objective about his faith than a mother can be about her child.
I said that I want to convince Mormons that their religion is false. And this is true. I do want that. And there are many reasons I want it. In fact, even more than that, I want to convince all religious people that their religious beliefs are false and even childish. However, trying to do so doesn't have that effect. Every time I have tried to deconvert a person, it has only had the effect of causing hurt feelings between us. There is little that would make me happier than to see the entirety of my family leave the LDS church. But I think that for that to happen, I need to stop what I am doing. As I said in my last post, this only makes them hold on more tightly to their faith and believe more firmly in their church leaders who say that all ex-Mormons are bitter and do nothing aside from attack the church.
On one of the atheist forums that I participate in, one person said "I don't talk about religion because I don't want to give it any more air time than it already gets." I can't say that I'll immediately adopt this principle, but it does seem wise to me, and perhaps I'll decrease the amount of discussion about religion that I put on here. I mean, how ridiculous would it be if I were to spend one out of every two or three posts refuting the existence of Santa Claus. People would start to wonder about me. So perhaps I'll post less and lessa bout religion. I don't know. I don't want to say anything final because I want to be able to just post whatever's on my mind at the moment, which is most often what I do.
I have decided that I want to shift my focus more toward helping people. I want to be a beacon of hope for gay people who feel undervalued or depressed. I want to reach out to people who are suffering from bullies or just from the hardships that life throws at us all.
The other day I had been arguing with my sister and it started to get a little bit personal, so I suggested a timeout. I was immediately glad that I did because it turned out that she was extremely frustrated because she was having to deal with an uncooperative customer service department. I just think that if I had continued to argue with her, it could easily have become a really heated fight and we would have both ended up feeling negative feelings toward each other for some time (perhaps days, perhaps weeks, not forever--we're both the forgiving type). She still would have been having her frustrations with the store, but on top of that she'd also have a fight with her brother. It felt much better to stop the fight and to hear about her other frustrations because then I had the opportunity to talk to her about that. I'd like to think that I brightened her day, even if just a little bit at that point in time.
This is why I think it would be best for me to change my focus. Not really to change my focus, because I've always had a strong desire to help other people, and it is often (not always, and maybe not even a majority of the time--I couldn't say for sure) my motivating force for what I do. But rather, I should say that I think I need to change my approach. I try to deconvert religious people because I feel that this will help them out. But they may not feel the same way about it, and it may actually make things more unpleasant for them. So, I think that I need to start doing things differently.
If I had a remote control with buttons labeled with emotions or moods and I could point it at a person and change their mood as one might change the channel on a TV, I would push the "happy" button, I would push the "laugh", "excited", "smile", and "funny" buttons. No, life isn't always smiles and happiness, and no I don't think it's healthy to pretend that it is. But, if someone were in need of being cheered up, I would feel privileged to be the person to do it. I would be happy to know that I made someone smile because of something I said or did. I don't always know how to do this. Sometimes when I'm trying to be funny or cheer someone up, I just make matters worse. But, if I could choose between comforting someone and agitating someone, I would choose comforting them. (My grandpa always says that agitators belong in a washing machine.)
I have a friend and fellow blogger who seems like a great guy (I haven't met him in person, but I'm sure I'd enjoy being around him). He's openly gay and actively Mormon. I believe he has a column similar to Dear Abby, I think he goes by "Bearhug". People write in and discuss maybe a problem or concern that they have, maybe just ask for some advice, and Mitch writes back. I think it'd be really cool to be that kind of person. I mean, I don't know. I can't say for sure that I'd enjoy doing that on a regular basis, but the concept itself is very flattering--to think that I'm the kind of person that people would look up to enough to write and ask for advice. I certainly do welcome any questions or comments any of my readers might have, and I even made one blog post in response to a request that I had from a reader. If you do have any requests, I'd be happy to hear them.
Anyway, as I said before, I had a few ideas for posts based on conference talks that I listened to last weekend, but now I'm not so sure that publishing them is the best idea. I may hold off for a while. Maybe I'll post them, maybe I won't. I don't know. We'll see.
You did. Thanks :)
ReplyDeleteHi Keith, I have been keeping up with your blogs for a little time after a Mormon friend of mine posted it on her Facebook. So, I check in from time to time and I always feel like I wanted to comment on something since I feel our lives are a lot the same. I grew up a very committed latter-day saint (small town outside of Knoxville) and I like you served a full-time mission. I have wanted to write you for quite some time.
ReplyDeleteI "came out" last year and I can honestly say that even though you might post a little too much about Mormonism and might try a little too hard to try and convince people I think that you should post whatever you would like. I think one of the reasons you might wish to de-convert people is because of the pain you experienced from members of the church. (You hope to help people escape that pain that false teachings and doctrines can bring. To eliminate completely unnecessary guilt feelings and improve people's true self-worth.)
I had a few run-ins with members of my family (and church members) last year. After I came out publicly with a blog of mine, a close family member told me that based on what she read on my blog she KNEW I had been raped...AND sadly she actually convinced me that I had been. That evening I had a mental breakdown and was trying to process my feelings and I even attempted to "repent" and I can honestly say I felt hell that night. I had to call my dad in the middle of the night for him to calm me down. Shortly after all of this I had my worse ever bipolar episode and was in and out of about 4 different mental hospitals over about 2 months. I think to escape all the pain and stress I was experiencing I actually went into a state of psychosis several times which at times relaxed me and at other times drove me to lash out at people.
Thankfully, I came to terms with all of this and accepted what my limits are after my treatment. I actually find it best to avoid certain people and certain discussions because when it comes down to it people have to live their own lives and people do not like being told what to do even if immediate help is waiting for them. There will always be people that do not approve of what you do but when it comes down to it your happiness is first priority and there is nothing wrong with voicing your opinions. I always read about how you don't wish to offend anyone but if you are really being honest and trying to be a good person then it is their fault for getting offended...not yours. One of the things we were taught (as Mormons) growing up was to be sensitive and always try to not offend anyone but that is just unrealistic in my opinion.
Thanks for your posts!
Thanks. I'm glad you like my blog. I'm always happy to hear from readers who enjoy what I write. I'm sorry to hear that you had such a rough time with your mental health. That seems like quite a lot to go through.
DeleteYou're absolutely right. I should be able to write about anything I want to. And I think that's what I've wanted to say with this post and the one right before it. I'm not so sure what it is that want. I know that I've posted lots of things that have offended people. I do regret having offended them, but I don't regret having written what I felt like writing. But I do want to take a moment and reflect on what I'm writing and see if it's what I really want.
However, you are right that people pleasing shouldn't be an end in itself. The way I think of it, offending people is like collateral damage. I don't write any posts with the intent of offending (even if some people may think that of me), but at the same time I don't refrain from posting something solely because I worry it may offend a reader.
My overarching goal--the macroscopic goal of the blog--is to make the world a better place. If I am making the world a better place by posting about the faults of the LDS church, then that is what I want to do. If I am making the world a more cynical and depressing place by posting those kinds of things, then I want to stop. And that really goes for all of my posts, not just ones about Mormonism. I suppose I need to ask myself prior to pushing the "Publish" button "Does this post make the world better or worse?" Kind of along the lines of the maxim "Be the change you want to see in the world." Anyway, thanks for your input and I hope that you continue to enjoy my blog. I'm not sure I'm aware of yours, so if you'd like to post a link, I'd love to check it out.
Thanks for commenting back. I would say I agree with you 100% on that. I am constantly unpublishing and editing some of my blogs. As a matter of fact, I actually post mainly under my writers name, Peter Freeman, because I would rather not share some things with the people around it. My family tends to talk to one another and I just would rather have input and comments coming from people I don't personally know. (I know what they think...ha ha!)
DeleteHere's a link if you would like to check it out: www.petertheknight.hubpages.com
When I go there it says "That user doesn't exist". Is it maybe a private blog? Do I need to sign in to see it? If so, you can email me with details. My full name at gmail.
DeleteSorry. Try it without the www! Just petertheknight.hubpages.com
Delete