Skip to main content

Ebb and flow of friendship

When I first came out, I anticipated people no longer wanting to be friends with me--either in the real sense of the word, or in the Facebook sense (or both).  At that time, I stated "I will not harbor any ill feelings against you and if you ever decide to change your mind and befriend me again, I will welcome your friendship with open arms and a happy heart."  And that is still how I feel.

Over the last year and a half, I have had many people unfriend me.  In fact, I'd estimate around 100.  But, also during that time (especially over the last month or so), I have had several people re-friend me. I imagine some people were simply upset at something I said--perhaps something anti-religious or anti-Mormon--and unfriended me in anger, but then later calmed down and decided to forgive me.  I'm grateful for the forgiveness of others.  And I never mean to offend people, even when I say something that I know many will interpret as offensive.  I imagine other people unfriended me because they didn't know exactly how to process the information that I'm gay--they didn't know exactly how they felt about homosexuality, perhaps they had never given it much thought before--and they needed time to think about it before seeing me as a friend.  At any rate, for whatever reason, I am truly happy to see people re-friend me.  I like seeing old friendships reforged.

I also wanted to share how unfriending and refriending affects me personally.  If I post something anti-religious (for example) and someone unfriends because of that, my immediate impulse is to post something even more strongly anti-religious.  Why?  I don't know.  It doesn't exactly seem logical to me.  But, that's the impulse that I have.  That's my immediate reaction.  That's how I feel.  On the other hand, when someone refriends me, my impulse is to post something more diplomatic.  I want to perhaps apologize for being so opinionated, or perhaps attempt to build bridges.  Again, whether that's logical or not I couldn't say, I just know it's my impulse.  My knee-jerk reaction to being refriended.

Of all the people that have refriended me, I have always been happy to see their friend request, and I have always immediately and gladly accepted.  I cannot hold a grudge for the time lost wherein we could have been friends but weren't.  There's already been that loss of time, and I don't want to make it any longer than it was.  I want to be friends with anyone who will befriend me.  I want to make peace, not war.  I want all of my friends to know that I am grateful for them being my friends.  I am grateful for the society of all of my acquaintances, including all of my Facebook friends that I have never met in real life, and especially all of my close friends and family members.  There are many more dear friends from whom I am anxiously waiting to hear.  Each person who refriends me after having unfriended me gives me renewed hope for the trend to continue--for these dear friends to want to be part of my life again.

Popular posts from this blog

What's a gainer?

If you haven't already done so, I would suggest reading my previous post before reading this one.  It's sort of an introduction and gives the motivation.  Also, by way of disclosure, this post is not sexually explicit but it does touch on the topic of sexuality and how that relates to the subject at hand.

So, what is a gainer?  I'll relate, as best I can, the experiences I have gone through myself to help answer the question.  I remember when I was a young boy--perhaps around 6 or 7--I would have various fantasies.  Not sexual fantasies, just daydreaming about hypothetical situations that I thought were interesting or entertaining.  I had many different fantasies.  Sometimes I would fantasize about becoming very muscular, sometimes about becoming very fat.  
These fantasies varied in degree of magnitude and the subject of the fantasy.  Sometimes I myself would change weight--I would become muscular or fat.  Other times, I would do something to make other people fat or musc…

The scientific method vs the religious method

I find it interesting when people cite the fact that science keeps changing as a reason to disbelieve it and to believe instead in the "eternal" doctrines taught by some church or other.  Let's examine why science keeps changing.  Here's the scientific method.

Develop a hypothesis (this means "have a belief").Design an experiment to test the hypothesis.Conduct the experiment.Determine whether the hypothesis is believable based on the results of the experiment. This is why science keeps changing--because people notice flaws in it and correct them.  People once thought the solar system was geocentric, but now know that it's heliocentric.  How did this happen?  By using the scientific method.  Scientists are willing to admit that they're wrong.  They're willing to give up a bad idea when they see evidence that it makes no sense.  Contrast this with the religious method (simplified version). Have a belief.Look for evidence to support that belief.Ignor…

Cancel the gym

After I went to the gym this morning, I pulled in to the McDonald's drive through.  While waiting for my food, I played out in my mind a possible conversation I might have with someone concerning just this.  In fact, I have had many real conversations of similar nature.
"How was your morning?"
"It was good.  I went to the gym.  Then I grabbed a late breakfast at McDonald's on my way to work."
"Won't that cancel out?"
"Cancel what?"
"Going to McDonald's after the gym.  Won't that undo all the work you just did?"

I understand the humor.  I laugh about it.  It's funny.  And I think humor is an important thing, and that we should all laugh a little bit more and be offended a little bit less.  And so I write this not up-in-arms, but in the attempts of perhaps reaching some of those who literally believe this line of reasoning.

To the person who asserts that eating "cancels out" going to the gym, I ask just this…