When I first came out, I anticipated people no longer wanting to be friends with me--either in the real sense of the word, or in the Facebook sense (or both). At that time, I stated "I will not harbor any ill feelings against you and if you ever decide to change your mind and befriend me again, I will welcome your friendship with open arms and a happy heart." And that is still how I feel.
Over the last year and a half, I have had many people unfriend me. In fact, I'd estimate around 100. But, also during that time (especially over the last month or so), I have had several people re-friend me. I imagine some people were simply upset at something I said--perhaps something anti-religious or anti-Mormon--and unfriended me in anger, but then later calmed down and decided to forgive me. I'm grateful for the forgiveness of others. And I never mean to offend people, even when I say something that I know many will interpret as offensive. I imagine other people unfriended me because they didn't know exactly how to process the information that I'm gay--they didn't know exactly how they felt about homosexuality, perhaps they had never given it much thought before--and they needed time to think about it before seeing me as a friend. At any rate, for whatever reason, I am truly happy to see people re-friend me. I like seeing old friendships reforged.
I also wanted to share how unfriending and refriending affects me personally. If I post something anti-religious (for example) and someone unfriends because of that, my immediate impulse is to post something even more strongly anti-religious. Why? I don't know. It doesn't exactly seem logical to me. But, that's the impulse that I have. That's my immediate reaction. That's how I feel. On the other hand, when someone refriends me, my impulse is to post something more diplomatic. I want to perhaps apologize for being so opinionated, or perhaps attempt to build bridges. Again, whether that's logical or not I couldn't say, I just know it's my impulse. My knee-jerk reaction to being refriended.
Of all the people that have refriended me, I have always been happy to see their friend request, and I have always immediately and gladly accepted. I cannot hold a grudge for the time lost wherein we could have been friends but weren't. There's already been that loss of time, and I don't want to make it any longer than it was. I want to be friends with anyone who will befriend me. I want to make peace, not war. I want all of my friends to know that I am grateful for them being my friends. I am grateful for the society of all of my acquaintances, including all of my Facebook friends that I have never met in real life, and especially all of my close friends and family members. There are many more dear friends from whom I am anxiously waiting to hear. Each person who refriends me after having unfriended me gives me renewed hope for the trend to continue--for these dear friends to want to be part of my life again.
Over the last year and a half, I have had many people unfriend me. In fact, I'd estimate around 100. But, also during that time (especially over the last month or so), I have had several people re-friend me. I imagine some people were simply upset at something I said--perhaps something anti-religious or anti-Mormon--and unfriended me in anger, but then later calmed down and decided to forgive me. I'm grateful for the forgiveness of others. And I never mean to offend people, even when I say something that I know many will interpret as offensive. I imagine other people unfriended me because they didn't know exactly how to process the information that I'm gay--they didn't know exactly how they felt about homosexuality, perhaps they had never given it much thought before--and they needed time to think about it before seeing me as a friend. At any rate, for whatever reason, I am truly happy to see people re-friend me. I like seeing old friendships reforged.
I also wanted to share how unfriending and refriending affects me personally. If I post something anti-religious (for example) and someone unfriends because of that, my immediate impulse is to post something even more strongly anti-religious. Why? I don't know. It doesn't exactly seem logical to me. But, that's the impulse that I have. That's my immediate reaction. That's how I feel. On the other hand, when someone refriends me, my impulse is to post something more diplomatic. I want to perhaps apologize for being so opinionated, or perhaps attempt to build bridges. Again, whether that's logical or not I couldn't say, I just know it's my impulse. My knee-jerk reaction to being refriended.
Of all the people that have refriended me, I have always been happy to see their friend request, and I have always immediately and gladly accepted. I cannot hold a grudge for the time lost wherein we could have been friends but weren't. There's already been that loss of time, and I don't want to make it any longer than it was. I want to be friends with anyone who will befriend me. I want to make peace, not war. I want all of my friends to know that I am grateful for them being my friends. I am grateful for the society of all of my acquaintances, including all of my Facebook friends that I have never met in real life, and especially all of my close friends and family members. There are many more dear friends from whom I am anxiously waiting to hear. Each person who refriends me after having unfriended me gives me renewed hope for the trend to continue--for these dear friends to want to be part of my life again.
I've never been into Facebook enough to understand all the psychological games people play with friending and status updates. I hear about it all the time but I have never understood why people take it so seriously in these matters. But, I will admit it is very popular and very interesting.
ReplyDeleteAs for knee-jerk reactions. You are not the only one who can be overly impulsive... :)
I usually don't act on those impulses. Sometimes, but not often. I'm more impulsive when I'm in a debate with someone, but in the cases I mentioned, I'm far less likely to act on the impulses I have. I just wanted to share what my impulses were.
ReplyDeleteI don't think of Facebook as any different from other human interaction. I think people play the same psychological games in real life. One difference is that I think people are more aggressive and expressive on the Internet, but that's any online interaction, not just Facebook. Also, I do try to remember that people can be real-life friends with me and still unfriend me on Facebook. And people like you, who don't have Facebook accounts, can still be good friends.