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Sex again

This is sort of a follow up to my recent post about sex.  And, yes, this article is about sex.  You have been warned.

In that previous post, I mentioned that it can be rather harmful to have such a radically conservative view about sex as the LDS church does.  The Republican party is also well-known for its conservative values, including its ancient views about sexuality.  To emphasize this very point, we now have the story of Lisa Brown.  Just in case you've been hiding from the news lately, here's an article from the Washington Post about the story.  Basically, they were discussing abortion and Rep. Brown was banned from further discussion on the matter when she said the word "vagina" because it offended the GOP leaders of the legislature.

Honestly, this is one of the major reasons why such extreme views are dangerous.  Many conservatives are so afraid to say or hear words that are merely describing the anatomy of the human body.  "Vagina" isn't even a sexual word at all.  It has nothing to do with explicit sexual acts or anything like that.  It is an anatomical term.  It describes part of the body.  Yes, it is a part of the body that a woman keeps covered while in public.  But, Rep. Brown did not show her vagina, she simply said the word "vagina".  That is innocent.  There's nothing inappropriate about it.  And we, as a society, need to establish that it is okay to say words like this.  Words describing body parts are not naughty words.  They're not inappropriate to say.  There should be no shame or awkwardness attached to using these words.

In fact, just for fun, I'm going to make a list (not meant to be comprehensive by any means) of words that are perfectly acceptable for use in conversation--not just adult conversation, either.  Children should not be raised thinking it's bad for them to hear these words, or any of their derivatives.  (And, yes, I know far more about the male anatomy than the female one.)
vagina
penis
scrotum
testicle
labia
clitoris
uterus
fallopian tube
vas deferens
prostate
seminal vesicle
semen
erect
ejaculate
orgasm
sex
sperm
egg
conceive
fertilize
ovary
breast
nipple
anus
condom

These are not dirty words.  They will not make you an evil or dirty person for hearing or saying them.  Adults should be mature enough to use these words and hear other people use these words without being offended or embarrassed.  People should feel free to use these words without worrying that other people will judge them for having said them.

Yes, you certainly can say inappropriate things with these words, or at least things that might not be appropriate for children to hear, but the same is true of any topic.  I could say inappropriate things about calculus (and some of my students do-hehehe).

Psychological programming that a child receives is really strong.  Stronger than I realize, and perhaps stronger than any of us realize.  The reason I say this is that, even now while I'm writing this post and asserting that the words on the list above are not naughty words, I am feeling the guilt and shame that I was taught to feel about these words as I look through the list.  I'm worried about who will read this post, and if they'll be offended that I chose to make such a lengthy list and to include all of the things I did.  (I'm sure there are many others of my readers who are thinking "this is nothing, you should see my list".)  At any rate, someone should be able to look at the list of words above and any other list of words--say inventory for a shop, or vocabulary words for a chemistry class--and have the exact same reaction.  That is to say, they should be able to read it without recoiling in disgust.

The other thing I wanted to mention in this post is the naturalness of sex.  Sex is part of our biology.  We are designed to want to have sex.  That's how we work.  Most people are designed to want to have sex with someone of the opposite sex, and this drive is meant to perpetuate our species so that we can continue to survive.  Some people, such as myself, do not have that drive, but rather have those feelings toward people of the same sex.  Either way, it's natural and it's biological.  Marriage is not.  Marriage is a construct of man.  We created the concept of marriage.  We made up these rules about marriage--that people aren't supposed to have sex until after they're married, etc.  And it's all artificial.  It's all man-made.

The funny thing is that conservatives have made it seem as though sex, which is perfectly natural, is dirty and evil unless it's done with a man and a woman that he's married to.  My question is, what difference does it make?  If I stick my penis in your vagina, does it matter whether I have a document from the government (or my church, or whatever other authority you like)?  Does possession of such a paper make the act any different?  The only real difference I can see is the mutual pledge to only have sex with each other, but that can be done without a marriage contract.

The other funny thing that conservatives do, which goes hand-in-hand with making sex seem dirty and evil, is turning the subject of gay marriage into a discussion about sex.  They want everyone to think about gay sex instead of gay marriage, and to point out how dirty it is for this to happen.  I have news for them.  Gay people are already having sex.  In fact, they were having sex even when it was illegal.  Granted, it's happening far more frequently now that it's legal, but that's the way anything goes--legalize murder, and I guarantee murder rates will go up.  So, this isn't about sex.  If I just wanted to have sex with men, I'd do it (and I am doing it).  That's not what it's about.  It's about marriage.  I want to marry Conrad.  I don't want to just have sex with him.  I want to share all of my legal assets (and liabilities) with him.  I want to commit my life to him.  I want to be assured that if I die before him, he'll automatically inherit all that I own and there won't be any question about inheritance.

So, I think it's funny that the same people who make sex seem dirty are the ones who try to make the matter of gay marriage seem like it's all about sex.  And, the fact that they're still winning (but that they're continually losing ground as we go) is evidence that people need to have a more positive and healthy outlook on sex.  We, as a culture, need to stop thinking of sex as wrong.  We need to stop thinking of it as something only lowlives do.  It's not a dirty, animalistic thing.  It is beautiful, it is part of being human (or, really, any sexually-reproducing animal species).  It is a way for people to share an extremely enjoyable time together.  And it is also a way for people to bond and to grow in love for each other.

Reach in your pants and touch yourself.  Rub one out.  Take off your clothes around someone that you like.  Don't be ashamed of your body, don't be ashamed of talking about parts of your body, and don't get offended when someone else does.  Enjoy life.  Be happy.

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