Apple and Microsoft are both gay-friendly. In fact, Microsoft was one of the very first companies to have anti-discrimination policies. So, if you want to buy a computer, you're not going to be able to go with an Apple or a computer that runs Windows. You also have to throw out your XBox. You also can't buy a PlayStation, because Sony is gay-friendly. This greatly limits your choices. You won't be able to buy from Dell, IBM, Intel, or Motorola. You can't buy EA games--that includes The Sims, SPORE, Mass Effect, Battlefield, Star Wars: The Old Republic, and tons more. You can't even shop at Best Buy. Pretty much, you won't be able to use a computer at all. And your entertainment options are extremely limited.
Do you have an office job? Do you know what brand of telephone you use in your office? There's a good chance that it's a Cisco phone. There's also a good chance lots of other equipment your office uses is Cisco. So, basically, you'll have to quit your job and work somewhere that doesn't buy gay-friendly phones. How about a printer? Does your office have a printer? Do you have a printer at home? Is it a Hewlett-Packard printer? (And, for those that are unaware, Compaq was acquired by HP several years ago, so this includes any Compaq products.) HP is gay-friendly. You'll have to stop printing documents on your gay-friendly printer. Xerox is also gay-friendly. What copycats :P.
Ford. Are you a die-hard American car person? You may have to switch brands. Don't buy a Ford. They're gay-friendly. You wouldn't want to be supporting that homosexual agenda when you buy your car or get it serviced at a Ford dealership, now would you? Chevron, Chrysler, Toyota, Volkswagon, Subaru. Sell all those cars. Don't buy gas from Shell. Cancel your AAA membership.
Do you bank at Wells Fargo? JP Morgan Chase? Citigroup? You'll have to change banks, so your money isn't infected with gay-friendliness. Do you have an American Express card? You'll need to cancel it.
Are you insured through Nationwide? Aetna? MetLife? Cancel your insurance policy. Oh wait. My group policy that I get through my employer is Aetna. I guess I'll have to quit my job and find one that has non-gay-friendly insurance.
Levi Strauss & Co. Nike. You're might have to change your wardrobe. You don't want to be wearing jeans or basketball shoes that were made by gay-friendly people--least of all when you're playing sports. The whole reason you're a jock is so you can be homophobic and distance yourself as far as possible from "those femmy gays", right?
You'll also have to stop drinking Pepsi products, and Coors brews. You'll need to stop eating Kraft foods and Oreos now. You can't shop at Target. Oh, and that Kodak moment? It's actually a gay-friendly Kodak moment. Do you use AT&T for your cell phone, home phone, or internet service? Cancel it. And AT&T owns BellSouth, Yellowpages, Cingular, Cellular One, and lots of others. You may not be able to talk to anyone on the phone anymore.
This may be the biggest blow of all--at least in my world it would be. Google. You can't use their search engine, their image search, their news aggregator. You'll have to stop reading my blog because Google owns Blogger. You'll have to stop using YouTube because Google owns YouTube as well. Don't click on any ads pretty much anywhere on the Internet because if you do, Google gets some money for it. You can't use Gmail. You'll have to stop emailing/receiving emails from all your friends who do use Gmail (which includes me). You can't use Google Maps anymore, to find directions.
Do you have a baby? If you're a fan of "traditional marriage" and think that reproduction is one of the reasons straights should be able to marry but not gays, you probably do have or have had babies. You may need to buy different diapers. You can't buy Huggies, Pull-ups, Luvs, Pampers. Bayer--no more Flintstone vitamins for your kids. Johnson & Johnson: they might have shampoo that's easy on your child's eyes, but they are also easy on gay people, so you may have to wash your child's hair with something else.
Don't fly American Airlines. Or Delta, JetBlue, Southwest, Virgin, US Airways. Don't stay at a hotel. Wyndham--which includes Days Inn, Super 8, Travelodge, Baymont, Knights Inn, Wingate, and others. And even *gasp* Mormon-owned Mariott. Yes. That's right. The company owned and run by a Mormon. They're gay-friendly and they let you watch porn on their TVs. That includes Fairfield, Renaissance, Ritz-Carlton, Courtyard, SpringHill, Townplace. You basically can't take any vacations anymore, unless you drive and camp instead of staying in a hotel. (And be careful where you buy gas on this road trip.)
Oh yes, and then there's Disney. Yes, that means the company that makes all the movies and TV shows that your kids want to see. No Disneyland. No Disneyworld. No Pixar. No Mickey Mouse Club. You don't want your children watching shows that promote the gay agenda. They might grow up to be gay if they do.
Also, look for the H on the back of the card, but the reason you're looking this time is because you want to make sure not to buy it. Hallmark is gay-friendly. You don't want your other homophobic friends to get a card from you and think that you support gay rights.
Hopefully, by now I've demonstrated that you simply can't feasibly boycott all of the companies that are pro-gay. And I hope, if you're reading my blog, that you don't want to do so either. It is very refreshing to me to see that so many people and companies are standing up for a historically trod-upon minority. It's exciting and exhilarating. And I'm proud to patronize any of these companies (and tons more that I didn't even get to) as often as I can. And just as Tiny Tim observed, God bless them, every one.
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