Skip to main content

Fostering

Conrad and I have talked a few times about adopting. In my own mind, it was always in the setting of after we had moved to a state where gay marriage was legal and then we could adopt as a married couple.

But, I just started looking into adoption (mostly just to learn about it, because I know there's lots to know on the subject).  As I was doing so, I came across sites about foster care, so I started looking into that.  I think that (assuming we can find an agency that will let gay people foster) it would be good for us to foster a child while we're here in Tennessee.

I found a website that has a list of children with their bios and some even have videos where the children are being interviewed.  So, of course, I had to read several of the bios and watch the videos.  I just want to love all of these children.  Children are so wonderful.  They're full of energy and love--they want to love and they need love.  And they each have their own personality.

The little bit that I have read about and studied so far has been very educational, and watching videos of parents who have fostered or adopted as well as videos of children in the foster care program have really helped me get a better understanding of what it's all about.  I'm embarrassed to say that at first, I was just worried about whether the agency would be okay with entrusting a gay couple with care of a child, but now I can see that it's also important to make sure that the child is okay with it as well.

In some of the videos of the children that I watched, the child was asked something along the lines of "What's your idea of the perfect family?"  All of the ones I watched (naturally) stated that they wanted a mom and a dad.  One boy said that if he couldn't have a mom and dad that he'd prefer to have a dad because he felt like he'd be able to relate to a dad better (go do sportsy/outdoors things, etc).  So, it just made me realize that what the child wants is just as important as what the parents want.  We'd have to find a child that would be comfortable being raised by two dads.

As far as logistics go, I'm pretty sure that we wouldn't be able to adopt/foster a child together, but I think that (at least just while we're in Tennessee), if just one of us were the official parent that would be okay.  But, Tennessee does allow single people to adopt/foster, so that is definitely a possibility.  Truly, the only difference would be the legal status on paper and stuff, we'd still both be parents to the child.

I also have no idea how long this process takes.  I know that you need to attend several hours of training before you can foster, and have a full background check and everything.  Fortunately, neither of us have any criminal record at all--maybe some traffic violations, but I don't think that'll be an issue.  But I really don't know if it would be like weeks or months or what.  After watching all of those videos, I want to go out right now and pick up a child and start fostering him.  I know it doesn't work like that, but I want so much to make a difference in someone's life.  If I can provide love and shelter for a child that otherwise might grow up on the street and likely get involved with crime because of it, I want to do so.  I don't think I'll be the best parent available, but I do think that I can love a child and provide for his needs.  (Okay, I'd be open to raising a girl as well, but my preference would be a boy.)

I'm also scared because I don't know anything about raising a child.  Sure, I've spent tons of time around my nieces and nephews.  I've even changed a fair amount of diapers and fed a good amount of bottles and Gerber food too.  But, I've never had one of my own--one to take care of all day long every day, year after year.  I don't know what to do in every situation.  I don't know what to expect.  There's just so much I don't know.  (I'm thinking this is part of the reason for the mandatory training meetings.)  But, I think that if I just admit that I don't know and try to do the best I can, rather than trying to be perfect and think that I'll never make any parenting mistakes, that things will work out.  Sure, there'll be hard times.  There may be times when I'm really upset with my child or they're really upset with me.  But, I have hope that we'll work through it.  I think it will be alright in the end.

Why do I want to foster?  I want to make a difference in the world.  I want to improve my community.  There are places where I can go volunteer to help out in the nursery, and that would be a good experience for me.  Maybe it could be practice for being a parent.  Maybe I'll just do that while we're here in Tennessee and then wait until we move to adopt or foster.  I'm not sure.  But I've been hungry for a baby ever since I was dating Karen back in 2005.  Here I am 7 years later with nothing to show.  I need to be a daddy.  I need to be a role model.  I need to make a difference in someone's life.

Popular posts from this blog

What's a gainer?

If you haven't already done so, I would suggest reading my previous post before reading this one.  It's sort of an introduction and gives the motivation.  Also, by way of disclosure, this post is not sexually explicit but it does touch on the topic of sexuality and how that relates to the subject at hand.

So, what is a gainer?  I'll relate, as best I can, the experiences I have gone through myself to help answer the question.  I remember when I was a young boy--perhaps around 6 or 7--I would have various fantasies.  Not sexual fantasies, just daydreaming about hypothetical situations that I thought were interesting or entertaining.  I had many different fantasies.  Sometimes I would fantasize about becoming very muscular, sometimes about becoming very fat.  
These fantasies varied in degree of magnitude and the subject of the fantasy.  Sometimes I myself would change weight--I would become muscular or fat.  Other times, I would do something to make other people fat or musc…

The scientific method vs the religious method

I find it interesting when people cite the fact that science keeps changing as a reason to disbelieve it and to believe instead in the "eternal" doctrines taught by some church or other.  Let's examine why science keeps changing.  Here's the scientific method.

Develop a hypothesis (this means "have a belief").Design an experiment to test the hypothesis.Conduct the experiment.Determine whether the hypothesis is believable based on the results of the experiment. This is why science keeps changing--because people notice flaws in it and correct them.  People once thought the solar system was geocentric, but now know that it's heliocentric.  How did this happen?  By using the scientific method.  Scientists are willing to admit that they're wrong.  They're willing to give up a bad idea when they see evidence that it makes no sense.  Contrast this with the religious method (simplified version). Have a belief.Look for evidence to support that belief.Ignor…

Cancel the gym

After I went to the gym this morning, I pulled in to the McDonald's drive through.  While waiting for my food, I played out in my mind a possible conversation I might have with someone concerning just this.  In fact, I have had many real conversations of similar nature.
"How was your morning?"
"It was good.  I went to the gym.  Then I grabbed a late breakfast at McDonald's on my way to work."
"Won't that cancel out?"
"Cancel what?"
"Going to McDonald's after the gym.  Won't that undo all the work you just did?"

I understand the humor.  I laugh about it.  It's funny.  And I think humor is an important thing, and that we should all laugh a little bit more and be offended a little bit less.  And so I write this not up-in-arms, but in the attempts of perhaps reaching some of those who literally believe this line of reasoning.

To the person who asserts that eating "cancels out" going to the gym, I ask just this…