I can't speak for all ex-Mormons, nor do I intend to. No two people think alike. However, I have associated with several ex-Mormons and I have noticed that most of what I say in this post will apply to most of the ex-Mormons I have come to know.
Many logical fallacies are used against people who leave the LDS church. The first I'd like to mention is the straw-man argument. Demonizing or insulting words are used to describe ex-Mormons. For example, "apostate", "angry", "bitter, "vengeful", and "anti-Mormon". Ex-Mormons are painted as horrible people who have nothing better to do with their time than attack Mormons and the Mormon church. Nothing could be further from the truth. The reason I left the church was because I no longer agree with its doctrines. I feel completely free of the grasp that the church had on me. I do not need to get revenge, since I was happy while I was a member of the church. I do not need to attack it because it is an organization that encourages its members to be good people. I am not bitter because I feel that it has done me no wrong.
Nearly all of my family and a great majority of my friends are LDS. I cannot afford to cut ties with all of these wonderful people, nor do I have any desire to. Since those who are active in the church seem to be happy doing so, I would never dream of discouraging them from participating fully in the church. I have no desire to attack their beliefs nor their practices. (How could I get mad at someone who is doing what they sincerely believe to be good?) Quite the opposite, I mean to encourage them in all their endeavors to live according to their beliefs.
The next logical fallacy that I would like to address is that of false dilemma. Mormons use the phrase "the church is true". This is a rather ethereal phrase and I have yet to ascertain its precise meaning. However, there seems to be a false dichotomy in the Mormon brain that a person either believes every doctrine of the church (i.e., "the church is true") or no doctrine of the church ("the church is false"). While I believe that the church is not what it purports to be (that is, that it is God's one true church), I recognize that it has many good things to offer the world. There are many good things that it does (such as provide help in natural disasters) and there are many good and true things that it teaches (such as to love one another). I do not reject all of the words of all of the LDS church leaders simply because I no longer believe that "the church is true". I do not believe that it is an evil institution.
Another logical fallacy is appeal to authority. Some General Authority says such-and-such about people who have left the church and therefore it is believed to be true. While such statements may be applicable to some ex-Mormons, I would highly doubt that they are universally true. But, unfortunately, Mormons will tend to believe their leaders' statements about ex-Mormons without ever giving their ex-Mormon friends the opportunity to prove those statements false.
Finally, I'd like to discuss the matter of a double standard, which isn't so much a logical fallacy, but I still see it blatantly applied to ex-Mormons. When a person converts either from another religion or from no religion to Mormonism, that person is not only expected but also encouraged to proclaim Mormon teachings to his friends and family--to preach the gospel. There is actually a great amount of pressure placed on members of the church to share their beliefs with other people and attempt to convert them to Mormonism as well. However, when someone leaves the LDS church and no longer believes the doctrine that it teaches, they are expected (by Mormons) to remain silent about their new beliefs. They are not allowed to say out loud what they feel because to do so would be to attack the church.
Think of it this way: John is a Catholic, he meets with the Mormon missionaries, decides to be baptized, and joins the LDS church. One of the beliefs that the LDS church has is that the Catholic church (as well as all others) is false. So, as part of his proclaiming the gospel to his friends and family (of whom, many are likely Catholic), he is to tell them that the Catholic church is not true. Remember, this is encouraged by the LDS church, not discouraged. Not only does the LDS church teach that it is the only true and living church on the face of the Earth, but that all other churches are "an abomination in [God's] sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: 'they draw near to [God] with their lips, but their hearts are far from [Him], they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof.'" (see Joseph Smith--History 1:19) To me, that seems to be rather condescending and presumptuous to say of all other religions. However, that is the official doctrine of the church. So, when someone leaves one of the "abominable" other churches and enters the LDS church, they are expected to believe that their prior religion was an abomination in God's sight, and not only believe that, but teach it to their friends who are still members of those other abominable religions.
So, with that in mind, where does the LDS church have room to criticize those who teach that the LDS church itself is false? After all, that is no different from what it asks its own members to do concerning every other faith on the Earth. Those who preach the gospel in the Mormon church are applauded for standing up for their beliefs. Why, then, are those outside of the church who do precisely the same thing (stand up for and proclaim their beliefs) tormented? Why are we ex-Mormons called names, such as "apostate", "blasphemous", etc, when all we are doing is preaching what we feel to be true in our own hearts? Yes, part of that which we proclaim is that the LDS church is false, but that is no different from what Mormons proclaim--that every non-LDS church is false.
A common phrase that Mormons say, concerning ex-Mormons, is "they can leave the church, but they can't leave the church alone". I don't know how many times I've been sitting in Sunday school (in the LDS church) and heard a convert discuss the silly things that their previous church teaches--the ex-Catholic instructor, for example, telling us how the Catholic church teaches such-and-such about the afterlife, and how ridiculous such a notion is. From my own personal experience, I would arrive at the conclusion that what is said of ex-Mormons can also be said of these converts--they may be able to leave the Catholic (or whichever denomination they came from) church, but they can't leave the Catholic church alone. In other words, this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black. Now, I don't mean to imply that two wrongs make a right. What I mean to say here is that when someone has been a part of a church for a long time and then converts to another church (or atheism), it is quite natural for them to make statements (sometimes possibly derogatory) about their previous religion. It is not unique to those who leave Mormonism.
So, when I say what my religious beliefs are now, and how they are no longer in line with what the LDS church teaches, I do not do so to spite the LDS church nor any of its members. I do not do so to attack anyone else's beliefs (anymore than a Mormon can be considered attacking Catholics for proclaiming that the LDS church is the only true church). I do not proclaim such things with the intent to offend anyone. All I want is to teach what I personally believe to be true. I believe that the LDS church is not what it purports to be. I believe that the fulness of truth is not found within the LDS church--surely, there is much truth in the church, but there is also much truth to be found outside of the church. Just like any good Mormon should be able to be friends with people from other faiths and respect their beliefs (even though they believe that their friend's church is false), I have no qualms being friends with Mormons and respecting their beliefs.
Many logical fallacies are used against people who leave the LDS church. The first I'd like to mention is the straw-man argument. Demonizing or insulting words are used to describe ex-Mormons. For example, "apostate", "angry", "bitter, "vengeful", and "anti-Mormon". Ex-Mormons are painted as horrible people who have nothing better to do with their time than attack Mormons and the Mormon church. Nothing could be further from the truth. The reason I left the church was because I no longer agree with its doctrines. I feel completely free of the grasp that the church had on me. I do not need to get revenge, since I was happy while I was a member of the church. I do not need to attack it because it is an organization that encourages its members to be good people. I am not bitter because I feel that it has done me no wrong.
Nearly all of my family and a great majority of my friends are LDS. I cannot afford to cut ties with all of these wonderful people, nor do I have any desire to. Since those who are active in the church seem to be happy doing so, I would never dream of discouraging them from participating fully in the church. I have no desire to attack their beliefs nor their practices. (How could I get mad at someone who is doing what they sincerely believe to be good?) Quite the opposite, I mean to encourage them in all their endeavors to live according to their beliefs.
The next logical fallacy that I would like to address is that of false dilemma. Mormons use the phrase "the church is true". This is a rather ethereal phrase and I have yet to ascertain its precise meaning. However, there seems to be a false dichotomy in the Mormon brain that a person either believes every doctrine of the church (i.e., "the church is true") or no doctrine of the church ("the church is false"). While I believe that the church is not what it purports to be (that is, that it is God's one true church), I recognize that it has many good things to offer the world. There are many good things that it does (such as provide help in natural disasters) and there are many good and true things that it teaches (such as to love one another). I do not reject all of the words of all of the LDS church leaders simply because I no longer believe that "the church is true". I do not believe that it is an evil institution.
Another logical fallacy is appeal to authority. Some General Authority says such-and-such about people who have left the church and therefore it is believed to be true. While such statements may be applicable to some ex-Mormons, I would highly doubt that they are universally true. But, unfortunately, Mormons will tend to believe their leaders' statements about ex-Mormons without ever giving their ex-Mormon friends the opportunity to prove those statements false.
Finally, I'd like to discuss the matter of a double standard, which isn't so much a logical fallacy, but I still see it blatantly applied to ex-Mormons. When a person converts either from another religion or from no religion to Mormonism, that person is not only expected but also encouraged to proclaim Mormon teachings to his friends and family--to preach the gospel. There is actually a great amount of pressure placed on members of the church to share their beliefs with other people and attempt to convert them to Mormonism as well. However, when someone leaves the LDS church and no longer believes the doctrine that it teaches, they are expected (by Mormons) to remain silent about their new beliefs. They are not allowed to say out loud what they feel because to do so would be to attack the church.
Think of it this way: John is a Catholic, he meets with the Mormon missionaries, decides to be baptized, and joins the LDS church. One of the beliefs that the LDS church has is that the Catholic church (as well as all others) is false. So, as part of his proclaiming the gospel to his friends and family (of whom, many are likely Catholic), he is to tell them that the Catholic church is not true. Remember, this is encouraged by the LDS church, not discouraged. Not only does the LDS church teach that it is the only true and living church on the face of the Earth, but that all other churches are "an abomination in [God's] sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: 'they draw near to [God] with their lips, but their hearts are far from [Him], they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof.'" (see Joseph Smith--History 1:19) To me, that seems to be rather condescending and presumptuous to say of all other religions. However, that is the official doctrine of the church. So, when someone leaves one of the "abominable" other churches and enters the LDS church, they are expected to believe that their prior religion was an abomination in God's sight, and not only believe that, but teach it to their friends who are still members of those other abominable religions.
So, with that in mind, where does the LDS church have room to criticize those who teach that the LDS church itself is false? After all, that is no different from what it asks its own members to do concerning every other faith on the Earth. Those who preach the gospel in the Mormon church are applauded for standing up for their beliefs. Why, then, are those outside of the church who do precisely the same thing (stand up for and proclaim their beliefs) tormented? Why are we ex-Mormons called names, such as "apostate", "blasphemous", etc, when all we are doing is preaching what we feel to be true in our own hearts? Yes, part of that which we proclaim is that the LDS church is false, but that is no different from what Mormons proclaim--that every non-LDS church is false.
A common phrase that Mormons say, concerning ex-Mormons, is "they can leave the church, but they can't leave the church alone". I don't know how many times I've been sitting in Sunday school (in the LDS church) and heard a convert discuss the silly things that their previous church teaches--the ex-Catholic instructor, for example, telling us how the Catholic church teaches such-and-such about the afterlife, and how ridiculous such a notion is. From my own personal experience, I would arrive at the conclusion that what is said of ex-Mormons can also be said of these converts--they may be able to leave the Catholic (or whichever denomination they came from) church, but they can't leave the Catholic church alone. In other words, this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black. Now, I don't mean to imply that two wrongs make a right. What I mean to say here is that when someone has been a part of a church for a long time and then converts to another church (or atheism), it is quite natural for them to make statements (sometimes possibly derogatory) about their previous religion. It is not unique to those who leave Mormonism.
So, when I say what my religious beliefs are now, and how they are no longer in line with what the LDS church teaches, I do not do so to spite the LDS church nor any of its members. I do not do so to attack anyone else's beliefs (anymore than a Mormon can be considered attacking Catholics for proclaiming that the LDS church is the only true church). I do not proclaim such things with the intent to offend anyone. All I want is to teach what I personally believe to be true. I believe that the LDS church is not what it purports to be. I believe that the fulness of truth is not found within the LDS church--surely, there is much truth in the church, but there is also much truth to be found outside of the church. Just like any good Mormon should be able to be friends with people from other faiths and respect their beliefs (even though they believe that their friend's church is false), I have no qualms being friends with Mormons and respecting their beliefs.
Beautifully stated Keith!!!!
ReplyDeleteKeith,
ReplyDeleteWhat you describe is familiar to me. I love my family and friends who continue to believe and who feel they are made happier by their adherence. I no longer share those beliefs and I hope my friends and their families are not harmed by beliefs.
I love how you have addressed some logical fallacies. Good Luck.
Nathan
Keith, I agree. I think there has been a grave misunderstanding here. However, I think it is you that has misunderstood. I have been watching your posts, and I know that I risk having my words twisted by some of your readers in ways that I do not mean, but I feel I must say what I am thinking. I am not as eloquent of a writer as you are so please bear with me.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would like to address how you complain that Mormons group all ex-Mormons into one group and generalize them, however, are you not grouping all Mormons into one group and generalizing them?
In regards to the LDS Church saying that all other churches are false. I have always been taught that most other churches have truths, just not all of their teachings are true. Much like what you appear to believe now about the LDS church. My immediate family are converts and we have never been encouraged to tell our other family members that their church is an abomination or false. It may be that has been your experience but to generalize that to everyone in the church would be incorrect.
Next, to address your thoughts on what you call a “false dilemma” it is true that many believe that if you believe the church is true than you believe all of the doctrine is true. I believe that. However, I do agree with you that if you don’t believe the church is true you can still believe some of the doctrine is true. Saying you believe the church is true so all the doctrine is true, or that the church is false but has some truths are two separate things. Naturally, if you believe something is completely true, you would believe that it consists of all truths. If you believe something has some truths and some falsities, it would still be overall false. That makes sense to me. Also I believe that there will be more true principles given to us.
I have many friends or do not have the same beliefs as I. We get along just fine. I do not tell them that they are wrong. I do not have a problem with them at all. It is your life and you are free to believe what you choose. That is one thing that is wonderful about our country and the life we have been given. I must say that sometimes I am a bit disappointed at how you choose to address things. It is one thing to say what your beliefs are, but lately it seems that all I have heard from you is what your beliefs are not. Saying you believe the church is false does not tell me what you believe is true. As you know, most members take their faith and beliefs very seriously. When someone they respect, such as yourself, tends to pick at those beliefs it can get a bit testy. It is one thing to say “I believe this to be true” and another to say “I believe this specific church to be false.” Example: If someone says they believe there is no god. I disagree with them but it does not bother me. If someone says I believe the LDS church is false because (insert reason here) it becomes a little negative and isn’t really about beliefs as it is about disagreements.
Also, lately I have felt that when someone disagrees with your posts you have tried to belittle them while acting as if you respect their opinions. When someone disagrees with you, they are not always being hateful or un-loving. Although, I am sure you have had hateful people and I am sorry about that. I usually don’t comment on things because I everyone should believe what they want to believe and so I don’t see a point in commenting. But then I think also don’t preach how I feel all the time or write about how I think someone else is wrong. So I thought maybe this post could use an opinion from a different point of view. When someone is commenting on their beliefs about my beliefs, sometimes I feel like speaking up.
I hope that I have not offended you. I wish you the best.
Sorry this is so long!
Keith,
ReplyDeleteI can understand why you might think the things that you do about the church. My husband and I fell away from the church for a period of 3 years. We still tried to be good people and live the standards of the gospel without attending church. I still believed in obeying the word of wisdom and things like that. There are reasons that the church asks it's members to do things which would set us apart from the world. I remember how good I felt when I first fell away, but after a while I realized that I was missing the light of Christ in my life. My husband and I made the decision to go back to church and we have never looked back. We found what was missing in our lives. We learned a lot from the experience and have tried our best to not judge others on the choices they make.
I believe that the church itself is true, but others may interpret the gospel differently and teach those things. The Lord has given us the Holy Ghost to discern for ourselves whether what we are being taught is true.
I may not agree with choices that others make in their lives but everyone is given the gift of agency. I don't judge you nor others who have exercised their agency to believe what they do.
I also felt you classified all Mormons together just as you say that we group all Ex-Mormons together, which is not fair on your part. I believe that God is merciful and that if we all do what we know to be true in our hearts we will be OK. God is the only one who is qualified to judge.
I apologize if I wasn't clear enough in my post. I never said that all Mormons are guilty of the logical fallacies and discrimination that I mentioned. Reading back through the post, I can see how it was interpreted that way and I apologize for the verbology that did that. I agree with you, it certainly isn't true of all Mormons. Hasty generalizations like that are rarely true.
ReplyDeleteI also never said that converts were encouraged to tell anyone that their church is an abomination. Again, I can see where this inference arose due to some clumsy wording on my part, for which I again apologize. There are two facts that I meant to point out: 1) the LDS church's official doctrine (as found in the Pearl of Great Price) is that all other churches are an abomination in God's sight and they are all wrong 2) members are encouraged to teach the doctrines of the church to those who are not LDS. Fortunately, the church has tried to be more diplomatic about its doctrine concerning other churches, but the fact still remains that they have kept the "abomination" assertion in their canon.
I suppose I'm not seeing the big difference between saying "I believe ..." and "I do not believe ...". While one sentence is worded with a negative word, it still is a positive assertion of one's belief. Even the example you cited as one such assertion you can respect was worded negatively: "I do not believe in God." When I say things such as "I do not believe that homosexual behavior is immoral", I don't feel like I'm attacking anyone else's religion nor anyone's right to believe otherwise. I also don't think it's a negative thing. I think it's a statement of affirmation for gay people that it's ok to be gay.
I'm glad that you agree with me about the false dilemma, Laura. But I have had many people tell me personally statements to the effect of "all or none". So, I retain the assertion I made that Mormons do think like that (again, not all Mormons).
Perhaps I could word things more respectfully when I address people's differing views. I was not aware that I ever belittled anyone when they have disagreed with me. I certainly have never done so intentionally. I will definitely try to make a better effort to be more respectful in the future. I thank you for the advice.
Sharee, I'm glad that you have found happiness in the church, and I feel the same way toward all people who are happy in the LDS church (or in any other religion). That was one of the points I was trying to make with this post. I don't have any issues with anyone being Mormon, nor would I try to dissuade anyone from full participation in the LDS church (or any other church, for that matter). Just like Laura said, I can have friends with different beliefs--I don't try to change them and they don't try to change me. We can still be friends even though we disagree on religion. That's what's so great about America.
I don't deny that being active in the LDS church is a great source of happiness for some people. In fact, I have restated that in several of my recent blog posts. I have personally seen many people who, as far as I can tell, are blissfully happy in the church. Who am I to disrupt that happiness? I say to everyone (Mormon or not): live what you believe and love it.
Laura, I've gone back over several of my posts during the last month or so to collect a list of things that I have asserted as positive beliefs. I was surprised at your claim that my recent posts have only been about things that I do not believe, so I wanted to see for myself, since my memory isn't perfect. So, here are some of the things that I have asserted that I DO believe.
ReplyDelete1. I believe in the importance of the family. I love my family and enjoy being with them. Families can and should provide a source of refuge from the trials that we so often find ourselves in.
2. Supporting the legalization of gay marriage will increase the strength of the family.
3. I believe in tolerance--that all people have room to be more tolerant of other people.
4. Whatever will happen in the next life will be sorted out then and I can wait until that time to worry about it.
5. The Declaration of Independence is full of the wisdom of many generations.
6. Truth is something that one should actively seek out and discern. The pursuit of truth is a noteworthy goal and will bring happiness.
7. It is good to try to get along with other people even when opinions differ greatly.
8. Being hypercritical can cause people to be depressed.
9. Diversity should be celebrated.
10. Love and mutual understanding are virtues that we, as a society, should adopt.
11. Stand for what is right, even if it means standing alone.
12. God loves gay people. He made some of His children gay for a reason. He is not upset when they act on those feelings that they have.
I hope that this list is sufficient evidence that I have tried very hard over the last few months to represent my own beliefs as fully and accurately as possible. I do not deny that some of the statements I have made have included negative words (such as "I do not believe…"). I'm sorry if that has felt like my emphasis. I certainly have room to be more positive and less negative.
I appreciate you sharing this list with me. It appears we still have a lot of beliefs in common. Perhaps the negative things that you’ve said stick out to me more than the positive things? I am mostly remembering your facebook comments and posts. Sort of if you said 10 really positive things to your child in a day but 1 negative thing, what would they remember most? I would hope it would be the positive but I fear it may be the negative things that would stick out. I think it is wonderful when people share their positive beliefs that make their life better.
ReplyDelete