Open Question

The purpose of this post is to ask a sincere question.  And I do hope to get sincere answers from people.  Once again, I do welcome any and all answers.  However, if your answer has a negative or affronting connotation, please relay it to me privately so I may preserve a friendly and respectful attitude here on my blog.

I have often, especially since the time I publicly announced my sexual orientation, heard statements to the effect of "I don't agree with homosexuality.", the verbology of which has perplexed me greatly.  What is it that you don't agree with?  Quite often the statement is even more vague, such as "I don't agree with you." or simply "I disagree."  Sometimes it's prefaced with some sort of expression of love, such as "I love you and respect you, but I don't agree with you."  Sometimes people are more specific, such as "I disagree with your choices." or "I disagree with your decision to marry a man."

So, I have pondered over this matter quite extensively.  My first reaction when I hear someone say something to that effect is "They haven't thought about this matter at all and are just saying the first thing that rolls off their tongue."  I like to avoid jumping to conclusions--sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't.  Anyway, here is a list of possibilities I have come up with as interpretations for the phrase "I don't agree with homosexuality."  It's quite possible that, with as many people as I have heard say this, each item listed has been the proper interpretation of at least one instance of someone saying that phrase.

  1. "I haven't thought about this before, so I don't know anything about it."
  2. "My church tells me that it's immoral, so I'm going with that right now."
  3. "I don't feel attractions to members of the same sex, so I don't think you do either."
  4. "I don't agree with your statement that this is a permanent condition."
  5. "I don't believe that you should engage in homosexual behavior."
  6. "I don't believe that you should marry someone of the same sex."
  7. "I don't believe that it's natural to feel attractions to members of the same sex, so I don't believe that you naturally feel that way.  It must be something you decided for yourself or caused yourself to become that way."
  8. "I believe that you are attracted to people of the same sex, but I don't believe that you should enter a gay relationship because of it."
Those are all of the ones that I have come up with so far.  I'm sure there are others, and if you have any, I would certainly love to hear them.  For the moment, though, I would like to take the opportunity to state what I would say in reply to each of the above remarks.
  1. If you haven't given it much thought, then go and think about it some more before you say anything.  Or, ask me about it.  I can tell you all about homosexuality and how it feels to be homosexual.
  2. I certainly respect everyone's religious views, including your right to believe that my actions are immoral.  I do ask, though, that you think about it, research it, and decide for yourself rather than just take the word of your religion.
  3. Let me see if I can come up with a good analogy here.  Some (straight) guys are mainly attracted to blonde women, while others are mainly attracted to brunettes.  If you are one of the former category, do you stare in disbelief at a man who tells you that he is of the latter?  Do you understand the concept of "types" (as in "She's not my type.")?  Think of it this way: your "type" is people of the opposite sex, and my "type" is people of the same sex.
  4. I really don't know how to respond to that.  You can make all the conjectures you like about what I'm feeling inside my own body, but until you are me and feel what I'm feeling, how can you come to any sure conclusion.  Furthermore, how would you feel if I were to say that I didn't believe that your heterosexuality was a permanent condition for you?
  5. That's wonderful.  I am glad for your feedback, and I hope you'll respect my decision to ignore it.  I do believe that I should engage in homosexual behavior.  If you don't want to engage in it, that's fine.
  6. Close enough to #5.
  7. Close enough to #4.  But, additionally, if there is anything, with substantial evidence backing the idea, that you feel like I have done to cause myself to become homosexual, please let me know what it is.  I have heard many conjectures and have eventually rejected each one.
  8. You are attracted to people of the opposite sex.  Do you believe that you should enter into a straight relationship because of that?  Then, why is this different?  Why should I not date a person that I'm attracted to?  After all, that's exactly what you do.
One more time, I would like to extend the invitation to all who wish to answer the question--if you have said something to the effect of "I disagree with homosexuality", then what is it you meant by that statement?  I would love to respond to each individual answer that may be given.  If you don't want an argument, all you have to do is say so.  Even if you don't want me to rebut your answer, please feel welcome to give it.  Oh, and please stay on topic.  If you just want to argue about homosexuality with me, please do so in a different medium (email would be great).