Puppy Love

So, I've been making friends on Facebook with some fellow gay Mormons over the past few months.  There's a handful of them down in Texas that I had become really good friends with, so I decided to go down there to visit them.  Hence, the spontaneous trip to Texas a couple weeks ago.

While I was there, I went on a couple dates with Conrad.  It was a magical time.  We went to watch Tangled (did you know it was still in theaters?  We even watched it in 3-D!) and then we went and ate a (really late) dinner together.  It was such a wonderful experience.  We were both alive and excited about the happiness of being together and sharing such precious moments.

The next week, when I came back to the city where Conrad lives, we went to lunch together.  It was so much fun eating with a man that I love so very much.  I loved staring into his eyes and just chatting with him while we were eating lunch together.  I also liked holding his hand and not caring if the whole world saw it happen.  Because I felt something special with him and I wanted to show that affection, even at the risk of people judging us for it.

After lunch we went over to his parents' place so I could meet them.  His dad had to go run some errands, so I didn't get to talk to him much, but his mom is a very sweet lady and we had a nice chat.  Ironically, she was actually watching Tangled when we got there.  She had just rented it.  After that ended, she put in some action movie, I think Skyline or something like that.  That's not my typical kind of movie I like, but it was good to spend time with Conrad and his mom and get to know her better.  She seemed to be impressed with me, and I certainly was impressed with her.  She seems like a great mom and a wonderful, fun-loving lady.

After that, we went and visited one of my old buddies from my LDS mission trip back in 02-04.  That was a lot of fun.  His wife was at a church activity, so he fed us some bachelor food and then we played XBox together.  Then we left there and went to Walmart to buy a board game--Blokus and we went and played that, which was a lot of fun.  I just enjoyed being with him so much that I didn't want the night to end.  I didn't want to say good night.  I just wanted to hold him in my arms forever.  There was something electric between us.  Something so amazing and so wonderful I couldn't ever describe it.  It was such a thrill to be with him, to look at him, and to talk to him.

The next day we went out to lunch, with another guy in the area, and then we went to the LDS bookstore and then the temple.  It was a lot of fun.

Ever since my trip to Texas, Conrad and I have texted and chatted with each other every day, sometimes for a couple hours at a time.  We talk on the phone nearly every day, and sometimes a couple times in the same day.  It's so much fun to talk to him--to get to know him, to talk about nothing and everything.  I find so much happiness in saying the phrase "I love you" to him and I get the same joy when I hear him say it to me.

Whenever I start feeling down or any bad feelings at all, I just think about Conrad and I get a broad smile on my face.  As I was walking down the hallway in the math building just today, a friend passed me coming the other way and he said "You seem rather vibrant today."  It was because I was thinking about my Conrad.  And the other day, as I was walking up the long hill to the math building and up the flights of stairs to my office, I was so elated I seemed to float up the whole way, as if I couldn't even feel the weight of my body as I climbed the hill and the stairs.  I felt quite literally weightless.  It has been a long time since I have felt that many endorphins running through my brain.

My roommate woke up from a nap the other day to find that I had just finished deep cleaning the kitchen--something that was well overdue.  After he recovered from the initial shock, he asked if we were expecting company.  I told him that Conrad planned to visit me for my birthday in two months.  He observed that that must mean that Conrad's a really special person to me.

Love truly is a drug.  Whenever I need a dose of cheer, I think of Conrad, or call him or text him.  It's such a magical feeling.  These words that I have written certainly have not done justice to the feelings that I have in my heart.  But, anyone who has ever been in love with another person knows the feeling that I am describing and can relate to it.  Such a sublime and transcendent feeling.

I cannot believe any argument saying that this feeling I have for Conrad is fake, or evil, or that God would not approve of it.  I cannot believe anyone telling me that it is pure lust or all about sex or that it will never last.  I cannot believe that any bad will come from me pursuing a relationship with someone about whom I can feel these wonderful feelings.  And if he feels the same about me (which I am sure he does), then I cannot believe that I will bring any evil into his life by being in a relationship with him.